The Best Thing You Can Do Is....Nothing

I’m stagnant at the moment in regards to my ambitions and goals. I’m not failing, but I feel like I’m not progressing either - or at least I can’t see it. I’ve planted over 100 seeds in the ground, and it seems not one of them has yet to even peep through the dirt. Prior to writing this blog post, each and everyday I would think of something I could do to get some momentum going; however, nothing worked. Everything seemed contrived.

I went to a hot yoga class last week to relieve some stress, and it seemed to have been the hardest yoga class I had experienced all year. In between poses, almost the entire class was huffing, puffing, and fidgeting - attempting to persevere. The instructor noticed our restless exhaustion and said, “the best thing you can do in between poses is nothing….conserve your energy.” Her words got the wheels in my head turning. I began to analyze and compare my current yoga circumstance to what was going on in my life. The hard yoga poses were similar to the goals I’m trying to reach. The moments in between the poses symbolized the times when nothing is happening which makes me anxious to get to the next pose or the next step in life because the waiting process is agonizing. But (as the teacher put it) in doing nothing during that process I allow myself the time to just exist in the moment, as well as prepare myself mentally and physically for the next pose - or for what’s to come in life.

After making it through that yoga class and allowing the teacher’s words to sit in my spirit, I came to the conclusion that the best action for my current state is no action at all. It takes a great deal of faith (that I sometimes lack) to take my hands off everything and just be. I told myself that if I really trust what I’ve manifested, did my part, and believed that it will come to pass - then I should have no problem embracing this current intermission. Now is the time for me to sit back and let my angels work while I rest more, research more, be lazy, enjoy Sunday mornings, people watch, polish my nails while jamming to Leikeli47, take long baths surrounded by candles, catch up on some documentaries, sit in silence, etc. Because if I haven’t learned anything else about life, I’ve definitely learned that change is inevitable…nothing stays the same. And I’ve also learned that if you try to force things to happen, you interfere with life’s beautiful process which results in even more setbacks.

When you get the chance to restore and revitalize, take advantage of it - because before you know it…the yogi will be saying, “next pose!”

Being still,

- Samjah Iman

P.S. - This slip dress was given to me by my mother….she’s had it since the 90’s.

Sustaining the planet one recycled garment at a time.

10 Ways to Feed Your Soul

A lot has transpired in the world over the past couple of weeks. Rapper/Community Advocate Nipsey Hussle was gunned down in his neighborhood which left our culture and the Hip Hop world in complete disarray. There’s a lot to be said about his demise, the impact/legacy his life will have on our society and Hip Hop going forward, and how we can play our part in this paradigm shift - but right now we desperately need to fill up on some SOUL FOOD. There are so many things sucking the life out of us at this moment. News reports, social media posts, and a whole lot of chatter has us going in various directions mentally. We all need to take a step back and fill up.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about feeding yourself constantly. With all that’s going on and all there is to come, I want to hone in on that topic and share some things that I believe are good TO and FOR your soul. I’m sure a lot of you may do some (if not all) of these things already. - you just probably don’t refer to it as “feeding your soul.” But anything that feels good to you and doesn’t hurt you or anyone in the process is feeding your soul. Get into my tips below.

Laugh and hold a good conversation with a loved one - There’s nothing like kicking your feet up and reminiscing with a friend about the crazy things you guys used to do in the past, or sharing your dreams with a person who has your best interest at heart, or laughing until your stomach hurts with a family member. Moments like these reboot your love meter and give you the release you so desperately need every now and then.

Read or listen to some inspiring words - You don’t have to open a book to read some inspiring words (although I recommend you do). Now days you can google a certain motivational topic or click on your YouTube app to hear some inspiring words. This has everything to do with monitoring what you monitor. You have to watch what you are letting seep into your psyche. The more you ingest empowering information, the more soulFULL you will be.

Give out flowers - No you don’t have to go to the plant store to do this one. I’m referring to speaking words of beauty to your loved ones or strangers. If you feel someone is doing a good job, let them know you’re proud. You think that guy has on some cool shoes? Tell him! You like her hair? Compliment her! The world can be so harsh, and your words and gestures can help heal it. Giving out flowers metaphorically is gratifying and therapeutic. Putting beautiful phrases and words in the atmosphere creates some good energy which eventually comes back to you.

Look for the good in every situation - The Kirk Franklin song, Blessing in the Storm has a whole lot of truth to it. When you’re looking for the good and the blessing in every situation, you’ll find it. Sometimes the blessing is harder to find than other times, but it’s there. When you operate with this type of mentality, burdens won’t look the same as they did before - and as a result, your soul will eventually become lighter and lighter.

Breathe - In yoga class, the teacher always tells us to rely on our breath. When the poses become challenging, breathing helps us through them. This applies to life as well. Taking a second to breathe deeply throughout your day is calming and rejuvenating which puts you at ease; therefore, benefiting your soul. `

Eat a good meal AND some dessert - Don’t go overboard with food, but don’t deprive yourself either. Have a good meal and some dessert every now and then. We are often eating on the go and trying to fit a crappy meal in wherever we can. Every once in a while sit down and truly enjoy a full course meal. Then get under your comfortable blanket, turn on your favorite TV show, and savor that piece of chocolate cake. Life is short, treat yourself here and there - your soul definitely smiles when you do.

Watch a movie that makes you feel good - No horror movies or mind boggling dramas….watch a movie that makes you tingle inside like Love Jones or that makes you fall out on the floor laughing like Bad Boys (yup, I’m stuck in the 90’s). It doesn’t matter if you’ve seen it 100 times already…souls love familiarity.

Jam out to some good music - Listen, a good Jill Scott, Erykah Badu, or Goodie Mob song will have me going to church! And don’t let some Frankie Beverly and Maze come on then I’m two-stepping all over my kitchen floor! You know that feeling you get when your jam comes on, and something compels you to close your eyes, tilt your head back, and let out a joyous groan? Yup, that’s your soul saying you’ve hit the spot! Whether it’s discovering new music or listening to that old faithful tune that you know pulls on your heart strings - you need it. Music gets us through hard times, helps us to celebrate happy times, and gives us hope for better days to come.

Connect with nature - There’s nothing like rocking in an antique chair on a relic porch. There’s something spiritual and invigorating about it. Currently I don’t have a porch, so the other day I sat outside on the steps of a building for 10 minutes. I let the sun cover my face as I smiled at people strolling by. When I got up from the steps to go to my next destination, I felt satisfied. Being out in nature refreshes your soul. Connecting with the natural elements puts you in a better mood and soothes your mind. You don’t have to spend hours outside, just take a brief walk or sit outside for a second when the weather permits. You’ll surely reap the benefits.

Give/Help someone - I once read a quote from Janelle Monáe that resonated with me. She said, “I’m a believer that the more I am giving, the happier I am, and the more beautiful my exterior will be.” Janelle ain’t lying ya’ll! Giving is medicine for the soul. It’s healing. To see someone’s face light up when you do an unexpected, good deed is an incredibly unmatched feeling. When you give, you’re not only benefiting that person or organization that you’re helping - you’re benefiting yourself as well.

When we feed our souls, the world and everyone around us will benefit. Stay soulFULL my people.

Peace and Blessings,

- Samjah Iman

Photo Credit: keithshoots.com

Acknowledge Each Stroke

Let me tell ya’ll….hustling and chasing these goals and ambitions can be IRRITATING!!! I got frustrated the other day because the work has been wearing me out (and because of this daylight saving time mess)! It’s like I’ve been in this intense grind for a minute, doing everything in my power to make things happen, and the big picture still hasn’t come together. Yes I understand that seeds take time to grow, and everything happens in due time, and blah, blah, blah. But that doesn’t stop me from tripping out from time to time…..hey, I’m human.

To deal with this feeling, I decided to open up one of my notebooks that holds my scribble scrabbles, notes, and ambitions. I flipped through the pages desperately seeking inspiration and in the process, I stumbled upon a list I wrote last year entitled 2018 Business Goals. I went down the list out of curiosity and came to a halt when I got to number 14.

Sometime in 2018, I wrote (among other goals) that I wanted to participate on panels at blogger workshops and conferences. When I read that goal, I smiled. I thought about that since writing that particular goal down, I’ve been invited to participate on three panels and have one more scheduled at the end of the month. If I had any doubt prior to opening up that notebook, it vanished soon after.

I wanted to post this on my blog not only for myself, but for you guys too. The first point I want to make is - writing stuff down and manifesting is real. I cannot stress that enough. I didn’t reach out to any brand to be on any panels. I just put the work in on my brand, and obviously the right people were watching. I forgot I had even written this particular goal on paper until I decided to open up my notebook out of frustration - now fast forward to 2019, and I’m doing what I wrote down in that notebook. It may not look exactly how I pictured it…but nevertheless, it came to pass.

“Write it down on real paper with a real pencil. And watch shit get real. ”

— Erykah Badu

The second point I want to make is - stop focusing on the big picture so much and praise yourself for the small steps you have conquered. Because I’m not where I want to be, my work began to feel in vain. But after opening that notebook and seeing that I accomplished a small part of the plan that I set out to conquer, I suddenly felt like all of my hustling is worth it.

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

— Chinese Proverb

Think of your life as a picture you are about to paint. You set the blank canvas on the easel, do one stroke, look at the picture, then get frustrated because it’s not all there. It doesn’t make a lick of sense to get frustrated since you’ve only done one stroke, right? Exactly! But this is how we act when it comes to our goals! We do a few strokes (or hustles) and get mad when the picture doesn’t look complete (guilty as charged!)…..but if we take a moment to acknowledge that one stroke we just made and understand that it is a crucial component to the complete picture we are trying to paint - we will view it and celebrate it differently.

I have to remind myself constantly that in order to create the big picture, I have to do the small strokes. And without those small strokes, there will be no big picture.

Let’s concentrate on getting that one stroke right today, then hitting that other stroke tomorrow, then the other one the day after that. Then one day we will look up and the big picture will be staring us right in the face.

 Stroking,

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: Shorts Jumpsuit // Nikes

It's about the Lessons

I recently sat on a self-esteem panel for an organization called Sisters in Power. When it was my turn to answer a question from the audience I was asked, “if you could go back and start your life over again, what would you change and why?” Before I answered the question, I sat there on the panel fidgeting with the mic while contemplating my honest answer. Everything from failed relationships to student loans came rushing to mind, and for a split second I could understand why some would absolutely choose a do over. But then I thought about how the only way I know the bulk of what I know about life today is through trial and error, and if I did choose to go back and do it differently, I would still make mistakes. So I put the mic close to my mouth and proudly spoke these words to the audience, “If I could go back, I would not change anything.” It’s not about what you’ve endured and the mistakes you’ve made, it’s about the lessons.

There was a time I would be highly upset when things didn’t go as I had plan. I would regret the situation and pout about the outcome. Then I got some sense. I realized that every situation I encountered shaped me into the person I am today. Without the choices I’ve made in the past, I don’t know where I would be or even who I would be for that matter. Every ignorant thing I’ve ever said, the hot pot I touched, the too small shoes I purchased, every right or wrong turn I’ve ever taken, the relationship that didn’t work out, and every person I’ve ever met has all taught me valuable lessons.

Now days when I encounter challenging situations, I have a totally different attitude. I don’t wallow in the fact that something didn’t go my way or that something ended. I take my time to feel what I need to feel about the situation, then ask myself, “what did you learn, and what are you going to do about it?”

Every situation, every choice, and everything you did or didn’t do and did or didn’t receive has afforded you some knowledge. The next time you experience a tough situation (or even a good one), instead of frantically stressing over the results, ask yourself, “what did I learn from this, and what am I going to do with the lesson?”

Remember, life is the most impactful classroom we will ever step in.

“You live, you learn.”

— Alanis Morissette

Thank you Sisters in Power for inviting me to be on the panel! I was so honored to share the stage with some extremely astute, talented, and fun individuals - including one of my favorite rappers - Mia X!!

Left to right: Dee Rouzan, Denisa, Me, Mia X, Reg Rob, Dr. Bristol, Cierra Johnson

Check out some highlights from the panel here! And don’t forget to follow me on Instagram to check out my style choices and day to day situations!! Til next time!

Peace and Blessings,

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: Shaggy Cardigan (sold out, similar here) // Vintage Jeans // Yellow Pumps

Just Be

A friend and I have been having several intense conversations on the art of just being.  Through our talks, we’ve come to the celebrated conclusion that we really don’t have to do too much….life will take care of itself. 

Now don’t get it twisted - this type of “just being” doesn’t mean to sit and do absolutely nothing.  The type of “just being” we were discussing means living in your truth, trusting that the space you’re in is where you are supposed to be at the moment, and believing that what is meant will be. 

Whether it’s relationships/friendships, careers, hustles, goals, etc. – all you have to do is control what you can control and let the rest unfold.  To support this “just being” theory, my friend and I thought back to the times when we had to force certain feelings, when we jumped the gun and took matters (that were clearly out of our control) into our own hands, how we pushed ourselves to grow weary of situations prematurely instead of waiting for our true feelings to surface which in turn aborted a valuable lesson that needed to be learn, and how we jumped through hundreds of hoops to make situations change instead of being still and waiting on the Divine to step in.  Reminiscing on all of those times helped us to come to the simple conclusion that “doing the most” breeds stress and goes against our faith.  But by “just being” - we are accepting what is and trusting the process that leads to what will be.

Just think back to the times in life when you kept going overboard for something or you made a move before it was your time, and the results weren’t favorable.  Also think back to a time when you took your hands off of a situation and trusted that it would be handled….and just like that – whatever you needed handled, got handled….and if it didn’t, it wasn’t what you needed anyway.   

I’m not sure about you all, but it seems the more I “just be” - the easier things flow.  I’ve learned over the years that I don’t have to get even with anyone, I don’t have to go overboard, I don’t have to show anyone who I am, nor do I have to prove my worth.  All I have to do is handle what I can handle, stay in tuned with my faith, and just be.  And my just being and playing my part allows the Universe/God to do what it does best - intervene…..and everything falls where it’s supposed to. 

Just being,

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: The Bedstuy Brim Hat // Black Crop Top (Old, H&M) // Black Jeans // Stan Smith Adidas

I PACED Myself

Three years ago on this day, I sat down to write my first blog post for Style & Energy. I had no end goal in mind, nor did I have big plans for the blog. I just wanted to write, share my life experiences in hopes of motivating someone, and provide outfit inspiration. I put my all into this blog, and I did it without any finish line in mind. Three years later, and this blog has grown tremendously….actually more than I thought it would - and the biggest thing that has helped me along this journey is the simple fact that I PACED MYSELF.

When I used to run track for conditioning purposes only, I was always inclined to do the long distance run in a hurry. I wanted to get to the finish line as quick as possible. Every time I would take off sprinting so that I could get my laps over with and be ahead of everyone, my coach would holler at me from the field and say, “Pace yourself Saulsberry!” I didn’t get it. Until one day I found myself off to the side of the track, bent over with my hands on my knees…heaving and trying to catch any breathe I could find. When I finally got some energy to lift my head and see what was happening on the track, I saw my teammates jogging steadily like they didn’t have a care in the world. They ended up lapping me (the girl who was in such a hurry) several times. And as soon as I was able to get back on that track, you better believe I took my time and ran at my own pace. And not only did it help me with building stamina and conditioning for sports, it also helped me with building stamina and conditioning for life.

If this blog (and track practice) has taught me nothing else, it has definitely shown me the true essence of the verse, “The race is not given to the swift, but to the one who endureth till the end.” You are not in competition with anyone. THIS IS NOT A RACE! Your goals are your goals, no one else’s. Burning yourself out to achieve them will get you no where fast, but pacing yourself allows you to build the stamina you need to keep going through it all.

So let the other people jump out on the track and hit it fast…..just keep pacing yourself and see what happens. You’ll lap them soon enough.

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: Dress // Heels

Granting MYSELF Mercy

I’ve formed an interesting habit over my 36 years of living, and it just hit me in the face recently.  Someone said to me, “so and so was being mean the other day.” And my immediate, robotic response was, “maybe they just had a bad day and really didn’t know how to channel their anger.”  Those words came flying out of my mouth without me even thinking.  My friend responded, “You’re always taking up for everyone.” I fixed my mouth for a snappy comeback (I am my father’s child) but then something made me stop and think.  My friend was right.  I do tend to give ALMOST every person the benefit of the doubt and all the grace and mercy in the world.  That’s who I am for the most part.  But that is not what I want to change.  The part that made me stop dead in my tracks and go hmmmmmm was the fact that I give all of this grace and mercy to human beings I really don’t know half of the time.  But when it comes to me, I’m cut throat.  Where they do that at??

Self-love….I preach it all the time, but then turn around and scold myself for missing a comma or criticize myself for saying the wrong words to a person.  But if another person does it, I’m quick to forgive and extend any mercy I have.  But when I do it – I don’t let up on myself for anything.  THIS HAS GOT TO STOP! 

The one thing that burns me up is when people say, “Sam, I can’t believe you did that!”  I don’t get mad because of what they said; I get mad because I’m trying to hold myself to a standard they have created in THEIR heads.  To.HELL.WITH.THAT!  I am human.  I will not get everything right.  I will not always have the right words.  I will spell something wrong, miss a comma, mispronounce a word, forget something, miss a step, use curse words, etc.  And that is okay.  I was not put on this earth to reach perfection.  I was put here to live, make mistakes, learn from my mistakes, and help others when I can.  So I’m going to do myself a favor and gracefully step away from the perfectionism I’ve placed on myself.  If I can be merciful when others fall short, I can damn sure do the same for myself….besides, I love Sam way more than I do them – so why not take it easy on her?            

Evolving,

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: Black Crop Top (Old, American Apparel) // Vintage Mom Jeans // Red Mules (sold out similar here) // Vintage Leather Coat

Photo Credit: Hidden Productions

I Don’t Do New Year’s Resolutions, But If I Did…

Ya’ll can have all of that New Year new me rigmarole. And please keep your resolutions far away from me because they make me itch.  Resolutions actually restrict me. I’m constantly evolving, growing, and reinventing myself daily therefore I have nothing to resolve when December 31st comes around.  BUT….if for some strange reason I wanted to renege and join our conformed society in making resolutions, I would declare for 2019 that I will not be forcing anything.

If 2018 did nothing else, it showed me that what’s for me will come to me.  Last year I did some pushing, pulling, tugging, kicking, etc.….and when it was all said and done, I came out of some situations stressed and mentally tired.  Then towards the end of the year I began to really connect with my intuition, control only what I could control, and let go of situations that were out of my reach - and once I started those rituals, the most miraculous things began happening.  Circumstances became easier to deal with, my environment became more peaceful, and things began to fall into place. 

It reminded me of one of the times I tried to go swimming in an ocean.  There I was in my one-piece, high-cut bathing suit and aviator sunglasses, trying to look cute and stay above the waves all at the same time.  I fought those waves like nobody’s business and came out with seaweed in my hair and missing sunglasses.  After being nearly taken under by a wave, I took a break to go sit in the sand and gather myself.  Those waves had gotten the best of me, but I was not giving up.  After all, I had some expensive sunglasses I needed to locate.  When I got back into the water and the first wave came rolling my way, I immediately braced myself for war.  But then something told me just to let go and swim with the current…and that’s what I did.  And from then on, I flowed.  Wherever the water took me, I went…and it was beautiful and way less stressful.  Did I ever find my glasses?  Nope. But what I did find was peace with the current – and that in itself was worth those sunglasses.     

In 2019, I’m flowing - not forcing.  I’m making peace with the current (i.e. life) and letting it take me wherever it wants to take me…..and my only obligation will be to make sure I enjoy the ride.

Happy New Year loves!   

- Samjah Iman

Photo Credit: Courtney Pittman of courtneypittman.com

 Outfit Details: Gold Neck Plunging Dress (Boohoo.com - sold out) // Ankle Strap Shoes

Taking A Second to Reconnect

Think about how you feel when you haven’t been treating your body like you know you should. For instance…if you haven’t been eating right, exercising, or getting enough rest - you feel sluggish or drained…..maybe even stressed, right? That’s how I’ve been feeling lately. However, it has nothing to do with my body but everything to do with my energy.

For the past five years it feels like I’ve been driving my car nonstop, at a high speed with my hands swaying wildly in the air. Since 2013, I’ve been taking pictures each week, faithfully. Since 2016, I’ve been writing every week (multiple times a week) for different publications. I’ve been running from event to event, jumping through hoops to make hustles happen, and saying yes to everyone more than I’ve been saying it to myself. My fuel meter keeps blinking, indicating that it’s time to parallel park this thing and chill - or risk running out of gas. So before my energy completely plummets, I’m going to make sure I take a minute to breathe and fill my cup back up.

In order to keep my style and energy ever-blooming, I must take a step back so that I can reconnect with myself. I’m going to take these next two weeks to sit in silence, be vigilant, do some deep breathing, reflect, laugh, be lazy, read, write, meditate, plan, create, enjoy loved ones, and simplify some things in my world.

“As an artist, your physical self is as much part of your business as the actual art. Treat yourself as such. ”

— @bzthevoice

Carving out time to center yourself and simplify your surroundings helps you to reconnect with your purpose and quiet your mind so that you can clearly hear from the Divine. If we keep going and going and going without taking moments to come back to the middle (our core/center), we tend to lose sight of our why and miss vital, spiritual signs that are placed all throughout our individual worlds in order to aid us on our journey.

If you’ve been all over the place this year or for the last few years, I advise you to take a moment to just do you as well. When you treat yourself right, the world benefits.

Have the most wonderful Holiday EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peace and Love!

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: Ruffle Sleeve Top (Forever 21 in-store) // Skirt (old) // Floral Booties // Chanel Brooch

I'm Thankful For Unanswered Prayers

True to the holiday spirit, I am currently zeroing in on all the things I am grateful for. After pondering over my many blessings I can honestly say that during this season of my life, one of the biggest blessings I am truly thankful for are all the things I didn’t receive. I have (by the grace of God) dodged SEVERAL bullets thanks to unanswered prayers.

Let me tell ya’ll….there are so many things I thought I wanted in the past that I am so glad I didn’t get. But at that time, all I could see was what I wanted. I didn’t care about the consequences that came with the things I wanted, or if I was mentally prepared for those consequences, or what type of lifestyle the things I wanted would have yielded. All I knew in the moment was that I wanted what I asked for, and today I can thankfully say that I’m so glad God is much more aware than I am - and that He gives according to my needs and what I’m ready for.

Every blessing we want comes with a price tag. Sometimes the blessing is affordable, and sometimes we are in over our heads. When I think back on some of the stuff I prayed for, I now realize that those situations may have been too costly therefore causing me to stress or lose sight of my purpose. At the time when we are asking for blessings and don’t receive them, we automatically become angry or discouraged. We may even lose a little faith. But what I am continuously learning everyday of my life is EVERYTHING that I either lost or didn’t receive was for my good. Some unanswered prayers taught me a lesson I needed to learn, some made me a stronger person for the trials I would later face, some made me a better friend, and some made me more appreciative.

Every unanswered prayer can’t be explained, but trust there’s a reason for it. So while you’re reflecting on your blessings this Thanksgiving Holiday, remember to think about the blessings you thought you wanted but didn’t receive.

Blessings don’t always come in the form of yes, they come through disappointments too.

Thankful for the no’s……

- Samjah Iman

I Finally Let My Hair Down

“Oh she’s a cute little girl…and look at all that hair!” This is a statement I heard throughout my childhood.  Whenever my mother decided to let my big hair hang out (which wasn’t often), old and even young people would flock around me, admiring my mane as if I was the second coming.  After many years of enduring this reaction from others, I came to the conclusion that the world equated long hair with beauty.  I knew at a young age I wanted no parts of this warped way of thinking.  And as soon as I was old enough to whack all of my hair off, I was going for it…..or so I thought.  Little did I know (and I would find out years later), the twisted beliefs regarding hair and beauty from others had seeped into my psyche, and I too had been socialized into thinking that having long hair was one of my most cherished attributes.

Of course as a teenager I wanted to try new hairstyles, and I did.  But no matter what hairstyle I tried, if it involved cutting, I made sure I kept my hair at least at the end of my neck or shoulder length.  I figured if I kept enough hair to make a ponytail, then I would still be considered “beautiful” in the socialized people’s eyes.  I kept this shoulder length hair antic up all the way into my late 20s.  I always wanted to go shorter than the nape of my neck, but never got the guts to do it.  Living vicariously through singer and songwriter Kelis, I would often search pics of her and admire the funky and fun hairdos she sported. Then I got the courage one day to cut my hair kinda past my neck. 

After getting this short bob, I went to my now old job the next day just as happy as can be with my new look.  I strutted into the building throwing my short locks from side to side.  Soon after I settled in my office and prepared to waste billable hours by searching the web, a lady busted through my slightly opened door with a stern look on her face.  My heart dropped because I just knew someone had discovered my internet shopping history on the company’s computer, and I was about to be called out for it.  But no, her face was contorted because of my new haircut!! Do you know this lady sat beside my desk and proceeded to quote some bible verses to me about why I shouldn’t have cut MY hair??????!!! I was outdone!!

The sweet lady with the bible incident was just one of many depth-less reactions to my haircuts over the course of my adult life.  I’ve had an intellectually challenged EX-boyfriend (emphasis on ex thank God) request that I wear my hair down when we went around his friends so that he could show off my length.  I’ve had people actually get angry at me for cutting a few inches off MY hair.  I’ve had people suggest therapeutic interventions when I shaved off the side and back of MY hair (even though MY hair was still long enough to cover up both shaved parts). 

As you have probably gathered from reading, I have been traumatized by other people’s hair expectations.  I’ve had to encounter too much bull when it came to MY hair which in turn made me a little self-conscious whenever I wanted to try a new style.  But guess who’s finally shaking that paralyzing mentality and evolving into an “I don’t give a damn” kind of woman while swaying freely to I Am Not My Hair by India Arie?  You’ve guessed right….me!       

So I finally let my hair down.  I got my hair cut the shortest it’s ever been, and I couldn’t feel more liberated.  My liberation does not come from barely having any hair (although this is super fun I must admit), it comes from being free of anyone’s opinions or projections. I’m finally learning that it’s okay to live my life according to my own standards and not society’s.  This new independent way of living has lifted so many weights off my shoulder. 

I’d like to thank my girl Ashlee Rene for this bomb cut! And to my loved ones who encouraged me to jump out there and try something new……bless you all. 

Beauty and hair are not synonymous.  Beauty and freedom are.    

“Free your mind and your ass will follow”

— Funkadelic 

- Samjah Iman

Keep Your Light On

I caught up with an old friend a few weeks ago, and we were discussing what was new on our journeys. This friend was obviously feeling stressed about the things happening in their life. They complained, they almost cried, and they even got angry when speaking about different incidents. When it came time for me to update this friend on the great things happening in my life, I hesitated. I was reluctant to share my blessings because their life wasn’t going as they had planned, and I didn’t want to come across as bragging….especially when they felt like crap.

So after the friend calmed down, they asked me how my life was going. Instead of me saying, “Everything is beautiful, and even my so-called bad days are far from horrible.” I hit them with my generic one-liner, “Same old, same old….just grinding.” I dimmed my light so that this friend could feel comfortable in their dark moment. I walked away from that meeting mad….not at the friend, but at myself. I asked myself what made me not want to share my happiness with my friend. “Am I trying to protect their feelings? Am I scared they will envy me because of the good things happening in my life? Am I trying to fit in?” I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. All I knew was that I didn’t like the fact that I diminished myself so that another person could feel better. And in that moment of truth, I came to the conclusion that I’M TIRED OF HIDING MY BLESSINGS AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS SO THAT OTHERS CAN FEEL COMFORTABLE ABOUT THEMSELVES AND THEIR LIFE TRAJECTORY.

A few weeks ago, I was in a low creativity space so I met up with a young lady who’s a dynamic worker and as a result, a millionaire. She was talking about all the moves she was currently making, and here I was in a creative rut feeling like I was going no where….but that didn’t stop me from listening to her story and soaking up everything. After meeting with her, I called my mother to fill her in on the good time I had. I remember saying to my mother, “it felt good to just receive her energy….it motivated me to keep going.” Because this young lady didn’t hold back on sharing her blessings (even while I was in an obvious stressful state), I benefited and got the push I needed to carry on.

I truly believe that people need to see other people succeeding so that they will know it’s possible to do the same. Letting your light shine is your way of appreciating the blessings that have been given to you, and it’s also a way of encouraging others to stay the course because their time is coming as well.

Don’t ever turn your light off to match someone else’s darkness. Leave your light on because #1, you paid the bill and deserve for it to be shinning, and #2, your bright light will act as a guide….helping others to find their way back home.

Illuminating,

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: Polka Dot Dress // White ankle-strap heels

Self-esteem isn't Enough....

I was having a conversation with my mother the other day about the ability to tell people NO.  She was telling me that some teenager stopped my 13-year-old nephew in the mall and asked to use his cell phone (which he would have probably ran off with), and without hesitation my nephew said, "No!"  I started grinning with pride as my mother continued the story.  I was so proud of him.  Reason being, saying no takes a lot of willpower....especially in a world full of brown-nosing and peer pressuring.  Hell....it's even hard for me to tell people no at times, and I'm grown. 

When my mother was done telling the story, I began talking about how I'm getting more and more comfortable with telling people no which in turn allows me to be more kind to myself.  After hearing me say this, my mother chimed in and said, "You know Sam, self-esteem without self-efficacy is nullified."  I said, "huh?"  She then broke it down for me.  "Self-esteem is what you feel, self-efficacy is what you do with that feeling  Self-esteem and self-efficacy must juxtapose.  The ability to say no comes with self-efficacy." Her statement hit me right between my eyes.  

I pride myself on having a healthy self-esteem, but there are times when I say yes instead of saying no for fear of disappointing someone.  In turn, I'm the one stuck with the stress and disappointment which is totally not cool.  This ends right now. 

I will continue to focus on feeling good about myself as well as making sure I'm exercising that feeling.  It's one thing to say you love yourself, and it's a whole other thing to show it. 

“Self-esteem without self-efficacy is dead. ”

— Big P

Don't just say you love yourself, act like you do. 

Peace and self-efficacy,

- Samjah Iman

He's in the Neighborhood

Have you ever looked out your door or window in anticipation of an important package from the mailman, and all of a sudden you see him pull up to your neighbor's house to deliver their package so you get excited because you know he's on the way to your house eventually?  That's exactly how I feel when my close friends receive blessings.  

There used to be a time when a friend of mine would come into a huge blessing, and I would be happy for them....but I'd ask God, "when is my blessing coming?" or "I work hard too, why didn't I get that blessing?"  Then it dawned on me, I'm His child just like my friend is.  And whatever He does for one of His children, He is capable of doing for the others in due time.  Because I am associated with positive people (my friends), their energy rubs off on me.  We hold each other accountable and keep each other on the correct path.  Therefore, we are abundantly blessed (in different ways) usually during the same season because we operate on similar, positive wavelengths....or in this case, we're in the same neighborhood.  

So from now on when a friend calls me with great news regarding a huge blessing, my heart instantly fills with joy not only for them. but also because I know this - He's at their house today delivering their package which means He's in my neighborhood....and one day soon, He's going to be at my front door with my gift.  

Rejoice....even when He's just in the neighborhood,

- Samjah Iman

I absolutely adore this African Print dress!  It was a special gift, and it's available at Raydarten.com.  My comfortable yellow mules are from Shoe Dazzle.  My leather clutch comes from here.  Happy Shopping! 

When They Copy You...

I got a DM (direct message) the other day from a young lady who wanted my opinion.  She wrote that her friend sometimes criticizes what she is doing or wearing or doesn’t acknowledge it and then turns around and copies her.  I chuckled when I read her message because this situation sounded all too familiar. 

I get it.  I, too, have an associate who likes to imitate mostly everything I’m doing.  I’m honored that anyone would ever want to mimic my moves.  I love inspiring and have been inspired by many people so imitating isn’t the issue.  I believe the frustrating thing about this is when someone habitually copies everything you do, it feels like a violation to your personal creativity - almost like they are trying to steal your entire existence.  

““Celebrities get copied all the time, that’s one of the traits that makes them valuable. Having said that, celebs don’t necessarily have to be directly exposed to others’ copying them. When a friend does it, it can feel more like a betrayal than a compliment, because friends are supposed to admire each other, yet simultaneously maintain their own sense of identity.””

— Dr. Robi Ludwig

As frustrating as a friend/associate who copies your every move may be, the truth is there's not a whole lot we can do to stop them.  Some people who are chronic copycats probably possess self-esteem issues or haven't found their own lane just yet, and they don't know how to use the inspiration they get from others and tailor it to fit their swag.  

I responded to the young lady and explained that I understood firsthand what she was going through.  I told her she could either take it as flattery, switch her style up, or maybe address the issue in a mature way. 

The one thing this young lady and all of us who are going through this need to remember is there's only one of us.  People can imitate us, but it won't be the same because it isn't authentically them. 

As my wise counsel once told me regarding my habitual, copycat situation – “If they are following you, they will always be behind you.”  So to those dealing with this, keep doing you and doing it well; give your protege a tough act to follow.

Outfit Details: Lace Cropped Top (sold out) // White Fig Trousers // Leather Clutch 

Journal Entry: Check My Gratitude

June 5, 2018

Today I opened my Instagram app, and the first picture I saw was of a blogger I had been following for years.  She is fighting cancer.  When I saw her picture and read her caption, my heart sank.  She posted a picture of how she used to look before chemo treatments, and in her caption she wrote about missing who she used to be.  All she dreams of doing now are the simple things she took for granted before the cancer.  She longs to just be able to eat, run errands, and go to the gym.  I complained earlier about going to the grocery store and working out.  I feel embarrassed and ashamed.  Here she is praying that she could eat and run errands, and here I am, healthy, and tripping about doing both.  I'm getting my mind right real quick, and vowing to be grateful even for the littliest things.  I'm checking myself.   

Sam

Dear Secure Women....

It's not us - it's them.

I was invited to a networking event a couple of weeks ago, and I happily accepted the invitation. I arrived at the event, and everything was smooth. The people were colorful, the drinks were flowing, and the music was fitting. While sitting at the bar chatting with a colleague, I got the feeling that I was being watched.  I turned my attention to the opposite side of the bar, and my assumption was confirmed. A cute, petite lady with beautiful tresses kept glancing my way. My first thought was, "maybe she's seen me before or knows the young lady I am talking to." I was wrong. She knew neither of us.

Later during the event I crossed paths with Miss Cute and Petite, and we introduced ourselves.  We engaged in small talk about our brands and future plans, then we turned our attention to the other people who were in our circle. At the end of the event, everyone bid their farewells. Miss Cute and Petite gave everyone in the circle warm goodbye hugs, and she affectionately rubbed their backs. When it came time for our hugging exchange, she did something close to an air hug, barely touching me at all. It was a bold yet weird declaration, and I was stunned.  

I played it off and kept it moving, but the wheels in my mind began turning. "Did I unknowingly offend her earlier or something? No that can't be it because I barely talked to her. Did her boyfriend hit on me before?  Well, if that was the case his attempts were blocked so that can't be it either." I couldn't wrap my mind around someone being that intentionally trifling, and I hadn't dealt with that level of pettiness since high school. I just knew there had to be a method to her absurdity. I went over the incident in my head a few more times and then eventually came to my senses. It wasn't me. It was her.

Dear secure women, if you've ever dealt with shade, hate, jealousy, or pettiness from another woman - don't take it personal. It's not you, it's them. Self-love is an antidote. And when people lack it, they do sick things. Mostly every negative thing a person has done to you had nothing to do with you, but everything to do with how they felt about themselves. 

“Some of them, oh, they stab you in your back ‘cause it’s love they lack.”

— Jill Scott

To my secure women - keep smiling, keep striving, keep kicking, and keep shining. Don't for one second question your character because of a nonsensical act from an insecure being. Be who you are to the fullest, and if that makes someone uncomfortable then so be it. That's not your issue - it's theirs.  

Peace and Blessings,

- Samjah Iman

Graffiti Clutch Purse

Slay Now, Reap Later

Listening to a Bishop TD Jakes sermon while cleaning the other day, I got some valuable information that resonated with me.  Jakes was emphasizing the importance of staying focused on your purpose when he made this statement, "What you slay in your 30s, you eat in your 50s."  It made perfect sense.  I am aware of the "reap what you sow" saying but for some reason this statement stood out.  I applied his words to almost every aspect of my life.  I thought about how what I eat now can affect my health down the line, how I groom myself and exercise now can determine my appearance for years to come, how working on my mindset can affect my peace and stress levels when I'm older, how achieving the bulk of my goals now can set me up for success later, and how investing and saving my money during these times can give me the financial stability I desire years from now.  

Sometimes we get so caught up in just living, and we don't realize we are making decisions we may carry with us for years to come.  Yes all we have is the moment and we mustn't worry about the future; however, preparing for it doesn't hurt us at all.  I've seen so many people who bear the results of not so good choices written all over them, and it's certainly not cute.  Yes some stuff like not resting, eating unhealthy foods, being wasteful with our funds, and skipping out on exercising seems harmless to do now, but how will that affect us in 20 years?  

Let's make sure we get it together today so the results are favorable tomorrow.  

Currently Slaying,

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: Polka Dot Off-the-Shoulder Top // Tiny Bow Pearl Necklace

Positive People Have Negative Moments

It happens.  Positive people aren't always optimistic.  We are humans, and all humans experience doubt at times.  I had an overwhelming moment the other day.  I tried my best to hide it, but it seeped through my pores and came bursting out through my emotions.  I couldn't hold it in any longer.  After my vulnerable episode, I thought about what my mother once said to me when I was young and in the middle of performing one of my Oscar-worthy, crying fits that I was infamous for.  There I was sprawled out on the floor like someone had attempted to take my last breath and my mother came in the room, casually leaned on the door and said, "I'm going to let you have your moment, but after the moment, get yourself together."  I was astonished.  I only have a moment to throw my fit???  Okay....so I got the fit out of my system, then went on like the day was never interrupted by my childish antics. And to this day, that is my method.  Throw the fit (privately), get it out of my system, then get myself together.  

Yes, we positive people get in our heads and feelings at times, but the difference between us and negative people is - WE DON'T WALLOW IN IT.  We have our moments and in the midst of our moments, something in us says, "wait a minute, this is not how we operate."  And then we immediately correct our thoughts and redirect energy.  Being a positive person doesn't mean life won't catch you off guard.  However, when positivity is your mode of operation,  you will always go back to that place.  Think about it, you can put clothes on a dog and he or she will wear them for a while, but at some point, most dogs begin to roll around in the clothing in an attempt to get out of them.  That's because their default setting is that of a dog.  This should be the same with a positive mindset.  Life can throw us things that will make us go absolutely crazy, but if positivity is our default setting then we will eventually bounce back into that mode. 

So whatever negative moment you are having or have had, let it be.  Just make sure you get yourself together after that moment.  Get back to your default setting. 

Peace and Blessings,

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: Vintage Floral Jumper // Heels

Photo Credit: @brukavin.visuals

Trimming the Fat

Over the past few months I've lost a few of my blog subscribers.  Each time I got an email that read "sorry, you've lost a subscriber" I questioned my platform.  I would ask myself, "are they not feeling my fashion, my words, my delivery?"  It was aggravating and discouraging at times.  When I would get the "infamous email" I would actually talk back to the computer screen saying stuff like, "whatevvvvvveeeeeerrrrr" and "forget you too!" To say I was tripping is an understatement for sure. 

A couple of days ago a friend called to tell me how he enjoyed my last post, Peace Over Money + Spring Colors.  During our conversation he said, "your writing is definitely improving.  It's concise, to the point....you're trimming the fat."  BOOM!  He hit the head on the nail!  I thanked him for his compliments, but what I was really thinking about was the phrase "trimming the fat."  It stuck with me.  I thought about the subscribers I've lost in the past and the ones that will possibly fall off in the future.  I got encouraged.  I told myself that I am actually trimming the fat and getting rid of unnecessary weight.  I understand that everybody will not be moved by what I am doing and that's fine.  I'm focused on operating in an authentic realm in all aspects of my life, and I want to only associate myself with a community of people who are truly open to my style and what I have to say. 

Now when I receive the "sorry, you've lost a subscriber" email, I shrug it off.  Quality will always exceed quantity in my book.  And it's way more fulfilling to vibe with a few people I genuinely connect with instead of a thousand who could care less.  

“I’d rather ten lions than a hundred sheep.”

— Fabolous

Getting skinny - figuratively and appreciatively,

- Samjah Iman

Photo Credit: allthingsdante.com