I was having a conversation with my mother the other day about the ability to tell people NO. She was telling me that some teenager stopped my 13-year-old nephew in the mall and asked to use his cell phone (which he would have probably ran off with), and without hesitation my nephew said, "No!" I started grinning with pride as my mother continued the story. I was so proud of him. Reason being, saying no takes a lot of willpower....especially in a world full of brown-nosing and peer pressuring. Hell....it's even hard for me to tell people no at times, and I'm grown.
When my mother was done telling the story, I began talking about how I'm getting more and more comfortable with telling people no which in turn allows me to be more kind to myself. After hearing me say this, my mother chimed in and said, "You know Sam, self-esteem without self-efficacy is nullified." I said, "huh?" She then broke it down for me. "Self-esteem is what you feel, self-efficacy is what you do with that feeling Self-esteem and self-efficacy must juxtapose. The ability to say no comes with self-efficacy." Her statement hit me right between my eyes.
I pride myself on having a healthy self-esteem, but there are times when I say yes instead of saying no for fear of disappointing someone. In turn, I'm the one stuck with the stress and disappointment which is totally not cool. This ends right now.
I will continue to focus on feeling good about myself as well as making sure I'm exercising that feeling. It's one thing to say you love yourself, and it's a whole other thing to show it.
Don't just say you love yourself, act like you do.
Peace and self-efficacy,
- Samjah Iman