Come Back To The Middle

“Are you afraid of what CAN happen or what HAS happened?” That’s the question this young man slapped me in the face with as we sat in his living room and dissected my past relationships over veggie pizza and red wine. After he asked the question, I just sat there with my expression twisted as I looked in his eyes. I’m usually quick on the draw in situations such as this, but I was stumped. I took a sip of my wine to stall the conversation, then I asked him to repeat the question knowing damn well I heard it loud and clear. He obliged my request, and I still didn’t have an answer. After several seconds of silence coupled with immodest gulps of wine, I had an “aha” moment. I pried my wine glass away from my lips and finally responded with this, “actually….the question you just asked me made me realize that my fear doesn’t make sense. Because the past is over, and I have no idea what’s to come in the future. All I have is the middle…the moment. So what am I scared of?!”

I told you all last month that my most important lessons are resonating with me on a deeper level these days. And I don’t know if my chakras were working overtime or if the other elements in the room were kicking in - but when I was hit with the above-mentioned question, everything made perfect sense. The reason I was stumped and couldn’t answer the question was because I had no justification for the fear we were discussing. The past is over, and the future isn’t here yet. All I have is the time in between the past and the future, and that’s the middle. And in the moment, in the middle, I was good! I am good. The question I was asked reminded me of an Erykah Badu interview I read years ago. During this interview she was talking about renouncing fear. She stated that she noticed her anxiety and fear come when she is thinking about something that happened in the past or something that hasn’t even happened yet. But when she stays in the moment (or in the middle as I call it), she’s chill.

It’s so easy to be paralyzed by past occurrences and things we THINK will happen. Some people structure their lives according to those two instances. But when you stop and think about it, it’s absurd to base your now on a situation or situations that aren’t coming back and off an uncertain future. Every now and then I find myself getting caught up in what happened before or what can possibly happen going forward. Over 90% of my worries come from what history has shown me or what I have told myself might happen, when the truth of the matter is - none of those things are happening right now. And if either of them ever do, I’ll deal with it at that time.

I truly understand how one can rob him or herself of a moment or opportunity just by conjuring up past events or by letting their mind drift off into “what if” world. Of course it’s smart for me to be mindful and cautious, but I’m going to try my best not to let a past situation or “what if” situation that’s not even active ruin what currently is. The past is gone, and the future is uncertain….the middle is where it’s at. I’m staying there.

In the Middle,

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: African Print Bijou Patchwork Crop Top // Skirt (Old) // Neon Pumps (specific color sold out, other colors here)

Photo Credit: 87 Photography

Breakdown to Rebuild

I remember my first day at Howard University like it was this morning. I sat in my African American Film class all bright eyed and bushy-tailed (and dressed to the nines of course), ready to conquer the new chapter of my life. After several minutes, the professor finally sashayed into the classroom and - before she could even introduce herself - commenced to throwing around ideologies and theories pertaining to the hegemonic structure and social construction. My right hand began to shake while attempting to take notes…..”hegemon-who?", I thought to myself as I frantically scribbled on my notebook paper. As the professor continued to inconsiderately regurgitate words that made absolutely no sense to me, I quickly scanned the room to see if I was the only one having a twilight zone experience. I was. My diplomatic peers, hailing from all over the world, began going toe to toe with the professor verbally - putting their two-cents on the topics at hand like they had taught a few college courses of their own in the past. I just sat there in shock and shrunk smaller with every foreign word that was being spoken around me. As soon as class was adjourned, I packed up my bag and ran straight to the nearest bathroom. I locked myself in a stall, called my mother, and before she could utter hello, I started balling my eyes out. Through uncontrollable sobs I managed to say, “Momma, I can’t do this! I don’t know enough to be at this school. My education didn’t prepare me for this! I want to leave!” After my Oscar-worthy, dramatic breakdown, I just knew my mother was about to send the first thing smoking to DC to rescue her youngest child. So I took a deep breath and patiently waited for her to spell out my exit plan. She didn’t. Instead she said, “You are just as capable as everyone in that classroom. So you have to decide if you’re going to face the challenge or run from it. Now put yourself back together, and go make the choice.” I mended eventually….and I ended up acing that class….and the other classes that followed. I just needed that “bathroom release” to jump start what turned out to be an amazing, worthwhile journey.

You know how we take some things apart and put them back together in order for them to function better? That works for us too. Sometimes we need to fall apart, detach, collapse, and come undone in order to come back strong. People often try to avoid a good cry or breakdown because it makes them feel defeated and/or vulnerable. But like a friend once told me (brace yourself, it’s a little graphic), “A good cry is like a good bowel movement….it cleans your system out.” It’s necessary to let your pinned up emotions flow freely (responsibly of course) so that you get all of those toxins and stress out of your body in preparation for rejuvenation. When you think about it, breaking down is a part of a process that a lot of systems go through in order to function properly. For example, you have to shut down computers every now and then for them to continue to work properly. Some electronics need to be taken apart and put back together to get them to act right. And it’s no different for us.

So take a moment, when necessary, and come all the way undone. Let go of all your inhibitions in order to rid your system of any pinned up stress. Then after your meltdown is over, take a deep breath, collect the pieces, and put yourself back together again. I’m sure you’ll get the boost you need to keep going.

Peace and Blessings ya’ll,

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: Top // Jeans (I cut them up) // Dr. Martens 

Photo Credit: Mary Martin

He's in the Neighborhood

Have you ever looked out your door or window in anticipation of an important package from the mailman, and all of a sudden you see him pull up to your neighbor's house to deliver their package so you get excited because you know he's on the way to your house eventually?  That's exactly how I feel when my close friends receive blessings.  

There used to be a time when a friend of mine would come into a huge blessing, and I would be happy for them....but I'd ask God, "when is my blessing coming?" or "I work hard too, why didn't I get that blessing?"  Then it dawned on me, I'm His child just like my friend is.  And whatever He does for one of His children, He is capable of doing for the others in due time.  Because I am associated with positive people (my friends), their energy rubs off on me.  We hold each other accountable and keep each other on the correct path.  Therefore, we are abundantly blessed (in different ways) usually during the same season because we operate on similar, positive wavelengths....or in this case, we're in the same neighborhood.  

So from now on when a friend calls me with great news regarding a huge blessing, my heart instantly fills with joy not only for them. but also because I know this - He's at their house today delivering their package which means He's in my neighborhood....and one day soon, He's going to be at my front door with my gift.  

Rejoice....even when He's just in the neighborhood,

- Samjah Iman

I absolutely adore this African Print dress!  It was a special gift, and it's available at Raydarten.com.  My comfortable yellow mules are from Shoe Dazzle.  My leather clutch comes from here.  Happy Shopping! 

Black is Beautiful Day Party by Ashé

I'm really feeling very comfortable in New Orleans.  It truly feels like this city is where I am supposed to be at this moment.  I am satisfied.  Each week I experience something new.  Something that makes me glad I made the choice to come here.  This past weekend the city was hosting All-Star Weekend plus Mardi Gras pregame festivities.  Although there was something going on at every hour, I kept it to a minimum and caught Dave Chappelle and Chris Tucker live at the Saengar Theater on Friday night (the funniest show ever!) and attended the Black is Beautiful Day Party at the Ashé Cultural Arts Center on Saturday.  

Ashé is a community-based center that uses art and culture to promote human and economic development.  This center provides education on African American history and culture, New Orleans history and culture, health and wellness, and the arts.  This past Saturday the center hosted a day party which included drinks, live dance and rap performances, a dope deejay who spun hits from artists like Erykah Badu, Solange, and Kendrick Lamar, and African-inspired fashion.  Check out some of the fashion below.

I want that suitcase!

  I loved EVERYTHING about the top above.  I need it!

I thoroughly enjoyed the day party at Ashé.  A lot of the clothes featured in the fashion show are available for purchase at the center.  Ashé is really a dope place to visit for inspiration, education, and empowerment.  I will definitely be attending more events at this center and volunteering there as well in the near future.  

For more information on the Ashé Cultural Arts Center, click here.  

I hope you all had a great weekend.  I hope you rested, spent time with loved ones, and ate good.  Now it's back to the grind.  Let's get it!  

Wishing you the best week ever!

- Samjah Iman