Fear Won't Govern My Life
This past week I had a minor scare at my home. I love natural light, and I spring up each morning looking forward to opening my curtains, allowing the sunlight to occupy my living area. Well on one particular day, a deranged looking, Peeping Tom walked by and decided to stop and press his head against my window to get a closer look at the happenings in the Queendom. After discovering me staring right back him, he quickly walked off; seemingly embarrassed. But not too embarrass to return and do it again…..and again! When I saw him lingering in front of my window for the third time, I quickly sounded my alarm to scare him. I then called my parents to let them know the deal. My father instructed me to close the curtains, cock my gun, and send the signal when I’m ready for him to come my way. For the next few days after that I was kind of spooked. I was on high alert. I could already picture myself going to war to defend my territory and ending up on the 5 o’clock news (my mind does the absolute most at times). The fear of what could possibly happen began to paralyze me. I didn’t want to linger outside too long, and I was hesitant about opening my curtains - afraid of what would be lurking on the other side of the window.
My father called to check on me each day and when he did, I told him that I was okay but I didn’t want to open my curtains or be outside too long which was unfortunate because I absolutely loved my neighborhood. Before I could finish going on and on about how startled I still was, he stop me dead in the middle of my sentence and said, “naw Sam….that’s what you don’t need to do. Don’t give into fear or allow your life or routine to be interrupted because of this….live normally.” As soon as he said those words I felt the gangsta in me permeate my pores. I stood up from my couch with confidence and said, “You’re right Daddy! I’m not about to let my fear, this incident, or any other traumatizing situation that has happened in my life, cripple me. I will go about life normally and be prepared for whatever comes my way.” From then on, I relaxed. Yes I’m still acutely aware of my surroundings, the gun is still loaded, the police are on speed dial, and I don’t open my curtains as wide as I did before (small steps), but I’m carrying on with my regular day to day activities like I ordinarily would. I step outside daily with a calmness as if a ruthless army walks before me (and it does….my ancestors are a beast!). It seems as soon as I made the decision to face my fear head on….something incredible happened - my fear vanished. And ya’ll, I did all that stressing and haven’t seen that man since lol.
I thought about how many times I’ve rearranged my routine or life in the past to avoid something or because I feared the outcome. Not anymore. What I’m constantly learning is that most of the fears I’ve conjured up in my head haven’t and probably won’t come to pass.
“Whatever you fear the most has no power - it is the fear that has the power. ”
I remember my mother once saying to me, “When you’re not afraid to fail, it frees you.”, she was on point with that one. Because all fear does is immobilizes us and keeps us from living the fullest life we can possibly live.
Whatever fear is holding you back from doing whatever it is you need to do, face it. Square up with that fear, show your gangsta, and don’t let it have dominion over your life - and in most cases, you’ll find that you’re way more powerful than any fear you’ve ever had.
Picture Credit: Jay Marie Visuals
Outfit Details: Top // Pants (old) // Heels (old similar pair, here)
