I Quit - Part 4......The Journey Continues

Around this time three years ago I was reveling in the fact that I built up enough nerve to walk away from a job that I had nothing left to give to and that had nothing left to give to me. I don’t know if I ever went into detail on this blog about why I resigned from that 8-year position, but to make a long story short - my spirit was disturbed. Some of the people at the job made me uncomfortable. I wasn’t totally into what I was doing, and I carried the weight of the job on my shoulders all the time which caused me to be constantly stressed and out of alignment in my personal life.

I revisit this story about quitting my job yearly so that I can remind myself of my bravery and also see how far I’ve come. I’m in a much better space now than I was then, but my spirit is starting to slightly nudge me again…suggesting that I’ve gotten all I needed to get from the space I’m in, and it’s time to change course. There’s another move I have to make, and I’m not sure how or when I will do it. I’m not even sure what it is. I just feel in my spirit that it’s time for me to transition, and I’m going to obey that feeling.

A major lesson I learned as a result of walking away from that 8-year job three years ago is that one of the most unproductive things I can ever do in life is ignore what’s in my spirit. My spirit is my most sacred guide - it’s my inner God. And when I ignore it, the consequences are heavy. Peace is everything to me, and I will rearrange, erase, start over, open doors, close windows, sage, and do everything else to get it and keep it. I’m not sure where my journey is leading me y’all, but I will make this known - this time around, it won’t take me 8-years to surrender to what’s boiling inside of me. When my spirit says jump, I’ll be ready….and you guys will be the first to know where I land.

The rest is still unwritten…..

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: African Print Top // Gold Fringe Halo Necklace // Drawstring Shorts (similar pair, here)

Breakdown to Rebuild

I remember my first day at Howard University like it was this morning. I sat in my African American Film class all bright eyed and bushy-tailed (and dressed to the nines of course), ready to conquer the new chapter of my life. After several minutes, the professor finally sashayed into the classroom and - before she could even introduce herself - commenced to throwing around ideologies and theories pertaining to the hegemonic structure and social construction. My right hand began to shake while attempting to take notes…..”hegemon-who?", I thought to myself as I frantically scribbled on my notebook paper. As the professor continued to inconsiderately regurgitate words that made absolutely no sense to me, I quickly scanned the room to see if I was the only one having a twilight zone experience. I was. My diplomatic peers, hailing from all over the world, began going toe to toe with the professor verbally - putting their two-cents on the topics at hand like they had taught a few college courses of their own in the past. I just sat there in shock and shrunk smaller with every foreign word that was being spoken around me. As soon as class was adjourned, I packed up my bag and ran straight to the nearest bathroom. I locked myself in a stall, called my mother, and before she could utter hello, I started balling my eyes out. Through uncontrollable sobs I managed to say, “Momma, I can’t do this! I don’t know enough to be at this school. My education didn’t prepare me for this! I want to leave!” After my Oscar-worthy, dramatic breakdown, I just knew my mother was about to send the first thing smoking to DC to rescue her youngest child. So I took a deep breath and patiently waited for her to spell out my exit plan. She didn’t. Instead she said, “You are just as capable as everyone in that classroom. So you have to decide if you’re going to face the challenge or run from it. Now put yourself back together, and go make the choice.” I mended eventually….and I ended up acing that class….and the other classes that followed. I just needed that “bathroom release” to jump start what turned out to be an amazing, worthwhile journey.

You know how we take some things apart and put them back together in order for them to function better? That works for us too. Sometimes we need to fall apart, detach, collapse, and come undone in order to come back strong. People often try to avoid a good cry or breakdown because it makes them feel defeated and/or vulnerable. But like a friend once told me (brace yourself, it’s a little graphic), “A good cry is like a good bowel movement….it cleans your system out.” It’s necessary to let your pinned up emotions flow freely (responsibly of course) so that you get all of those toxins and stress out of your body in preparation for rejuvenation. When you think about it, breaking down is a part of a process that a lot of systems go through in order to function properly. For example, you have to shut down computers every now and then for them to continue to work properly. Some electronics need to be taken apart and put back together to get them to act right. And it’s no different for us.

So take a moment, when necessary, and come all the way undone. Let go of all your inhibitions in order to rid your system of any pinned up stress. Then after your meltdown is over, take a deep breath, collect the pieces, and put yourself back together again. I’m sure you’ll get the boost you need to keep going.

Peace and Blessings ya’ll,

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: Top // Jeans (I cut them up) // Dr. Martens 

Photo Credit: Mary Martin

Faith is a Muscle

I used to be the person who declared I had faith because it was what I was supposed to do.  Claiming faith was an integral part of my culture, and I learned from years of Sunday school to profess it every time I dealt with hardship or to lend it as advice when someone else was going through something.  But what my culture and Sunday school teachings didn't stress was that faith was a muscle, and the only way for it to get stronger was to exercise it.      

If I work my muscles out often, they will automatically get stronger.  I will be able to lift things I couldn't lift before, my stamina will increase, and I'll feel more healthy and energized.  But if I don't use my muscles at all, I'll lose them.  It's the same with faith.  

I can recite the "faith of mustard seed" scripture until I am blue in the face, but if I'm not exercising that faith, then I really have none.  I wasn't aware of how faith truly worked until I just jumped out and totally depended on it.  And when I didn't sink after jumping out there, I decided to do it again and again.  And each time my faith muscle grew stronger.   

I'm no longer throwing the word faith around or quoting faith scriptures because it's the appropriate thing to do, I'm out here living it, testing it, and seeing what it's worth.  And while I'm still growing in the faith exercising aspect, I can tell you this - the workouts are coming in handy, and I haven't encountered a situation yet that my faith couldn't strong arm.  And for this reason alone, I'm staying in the gym.   

Flexing,

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: African Print Tee // Jeans (vintage) // Red Heels (sold out)

Authenticity

Do you know what's one of the most freeing things you can ever do in my opinion?  Not give a damn about what the outside world (people outside of your close circle) thinks and to not let this outside world influence your moves.  Out of all the goals I've accomplished this year thus far, living the true life I want to live regardless of what any person thinks or has to say about it has been the most gratifying thing I've done.  This action alone has boosted my confidence, lifted my spirits, and reduced stress.

Trying to constantly live up to society's or other people's standards is a heavy burden that I will no longer carry.  The true Sam is emerging and in most cases I'm having to reintroduce myself to people who thought they once knew me.  A lot of my peers are looking at me like I'm doing something spectacular that's out of their reach.  This is far from the truth.  All I'm doing is living the life I want to live, planting the seeds I want to grow, and reaping the benefits I want to reap.  The results of my choice to make authentic moves have been a free mind, a healthier spirit, a brighter smile, and a lighter mood which in turns affects how I look on the outside.  It all coincides.   

I can't stress enough how fulfilling living your true life without the influence of society or your peers is.  This type of authentic living has nothing to do with being the most noble person.  Instead, it has everything to do with staying true to your desires, your goals, your likes, dislikes, allowing yourself to just be, and, as I said earlier, not letting others or society influence your decisions.  Money and opportunities are one thing, living out what's truly in your spirit is a whole other ball game.  It's the greatest success one can accomplish in my opinion.  It's what allows you to sleep peacefully at night.  In everything you do, always stay true to who you are.  It's the most respectful and honorable thing you can do.  Oh, and plus it keeps you looking younger longer lol. 

While we are on the subject of authenticity, let me introduce you to a vibrant, bona fide brand that currently has my attention.  Ladies and Gents, behold Odaomo -  "a fashion company that is based on the principle of “giving back” and supports improved social and economic conditions in Kenya."  Get into some eye-catching accessories from this brand below.                    

All of these radiant accessories you see me rocking in the pictures above are authentic, handmade items from Kenya.  I'm falling in love more and more with quality pieces made out of sturdy materials.  These types of pieces will be in your closet forever and can be passed down to forthcoming generations.  

For more information on Odaomo and to peruse their collection, click here.  If you're ever in New Orleans, visit their eclectic store on 839 Chartres Street. 

I hope you all enjoy the rest of your week.  Whatever you choose to do in the next few days, remember to make sure it's your choice and it's in your spirit.  No one else's opinion matters but yours. 

Stay true,

- Samjah Iman