I Choose Me
“But if I have to choose between, I choose me.”
I’m fed up. I’ve come to the strong realization in the past few months that the people-pleasing roll isn’t good for my existence. I know what some of ya’ll are thinking, “Sam, you people-please?” Yes…I am human and have the tendency to do erratic crap from time to time. Like sometimes I drag myself to mundane, overrated events so that people will see how much of a staunch supporter I am, and that not only do I smile big and wear swanky clothes at times - but I also keep my word. I sit across from annoying humans while sipping cocktails just to prove my genuineness, when I’m really daydreaming of being anywhere else in the universe but with them. And usually when I leave these regrettable events or meetings, I find myself depleted, frustrated, and sometimes usually out of some money I could have spent on my damn self. But on the flip side, it seems that most of the people I deal with have no issue with not keeping their word, changing things up to accommodate their needs, or making sure to not inconvenience themselves at all costs. And guess what, I’m not mad at them at all. As a matter of fact, I’m going to join them on their self-crusade. No I’m not going to change my character just to be spiteful. I’m simply going to put myself and my needs first when appropriate…which in turn will make me a better Sam.
I’ve been feeling like this for a minute, and apparently at one point in her life, my girl Oprah felt the same way (I knew we were kin). I was reading one of her books, What I Know For Sure, and a passage she wrote really resonated with me and drove the sentiment I had been dealing with home. See the excerpt below.
As soon as I read her words, I threw the book across the bed in agreement. Oprah knows my soul! There have been 7 million times in my life when I’ve done plenty of things, gone to many places, and answered tons of phone calls out of wanting to show people how loyal, nice, and reliable I am - not because I felt it in my spirit. NO MORE! If people don’t know my true character by now, bless them (and I’m substituting the word bless for another derogatory term). From here on out, my priority is ME. I know what things make my soul smile, and I plan on doing more of them. Time is currency, and my goal is to be frugal with mine and spend it wisely. Yes I will have to do some things that I really don’t want to do but need to do….that’s life. But the things that I have a choice in, I will choose…and I will choose me.
The Chosen One,
- Samjah Iman