Acknowledge Each Stroke

Let me tell ya’ll….hustling and chasing these goals and ambitions can be IRRITATING!!! I got frustrated the other day because the work has been wearing me out (and because of this daylight saving time mess)! It’s like I’ve been in this intense grind for a minute, doing everything in my power to make things happen, and the big picture still hasn’t come together. Yes I understand that seeds take time to grow, and everything happens in due time, and blah, blah, blah. But that doesn’t stop me from tripping out from time to time…..hey, I’m human.

To deal with this feeling, I decided to open up one of my notebooks that holds my scribble scrabbles, notes, and ambitions. I flipped through the pages desperately seeking inspiration and in the process, I stumbled upon a list I wrote last year entitled 2018 Business Goals. I went down the list out of curiosity and came to a halt when I got to number 14.

Sometime in 2018, I wrote (among other goals) that I wanted to participate on panels at blogger workshops and conferences. When I read that goal, I smiled. I thought about that since writing that particular goal down, I’ve been invited to participate on three panels and have one more scheduled at the end of the month. If I had any doubt prior to opening up that notebook, it vanished soon after.

I wanted to post this on my blog not only for myself, but for you guys too. The first point I want to make is - writing stuff down and manifesting is real. I cannot stress that enough. I didn’t reach out to any brand to be on any panels. I just put the work in on my brand, and obviously the right people were watching. I forgot I had even written this particular goal on paper until I decided to open up my notebook out of frustration - now fast forward to 2019, and I’m doing what I wrote down in that notebook. It may not look exactly how I pictured it…but nevertheless, it came to pass.

“Write it down on real paper with a real pencil. And watch shit get real. ”

— Erykah Badu

The second point I want to make is - stop focusing on the big picture so much and praise yourself for the small steps you have conquered. Because I’m not where I want to be, my work began to feel in vain. But after opening that notebook and seeing that I accomplished a small part of the plan that I set out to conquer, I suddenly felt like all of my hustling is worth it.

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

— Chinese Proverb

Think of your life as a picture you are about to paint. You set the blank canvas on the easel, do one stroke, look at the picture, then get frustrated because it’s not all there. It doesn’t make a lick of sense to get frustrated since you’ve only done one stroke, right? Exactly! But this is how we act when it comes to our goals! We do a few strokes (or hustles) and get mad when the picture doesn’t look complete (guilty as charged!)…..but if we take a moment to acknowledge that one stroke we just made and understand that it is a crucial component to the complete picture we are trying to paint - we will view it and celebrate it differently.

I have to remind myself constantly that in order to create the big picture, I have to do the small strokes. And without those small strokes, there will be no big picture.

Let’s concentrate on getting that one stroke right today, then hitting that other stroke tomorrow, then the other one the day after that. Then one day we will look up and the big picture will be staring us right in the face.

 Stroking,

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: Shorts Jumpsuit // Nikes

It's about the Lessons

I recently sat on a self-esteem panel for an organization called Sisters in Power. When it was my turn to answer a question from the audience I was asked, “if you could go back and start your life over again, what would you change and why?” Before I answered the question, I sat there on the panel fidgeting with the mic while contemplating my honest answer. Everything from failed relationships to student loans came rushing to mind, and for a split second I could understand why some would absolutely choose a do over. But then I thought about how the only way I know the bulk of what I know about life today is through trial and error, and if I did choose to go back and do it differently, I would still make mistakes. So I put the mic close to my mouth and proudly spoke these words to the audience, “If I could go back, I would not change anything.” It’s not about what you’ve endured and the mistakes you’ve made, it’s about the lessons.

There was a time I would be highly upset when things didn’t go as I had plan. I would regret the situation and pout about the outcome. Then I got some sense. I realized that every situation I encountered shaped me into the person I am today. Without the choices I’ve made in the past, I don’t know where I would be or even who I would be for that matter. Every ignorant thing I’ve ever said, the hot pot I touched, the too small shoes I purchased, every right or wrong turn I’ve ever taken, the relationship that didn’t work out, and every person I’ve ever met has all taught me valuable lessons.

Now days when I encounter challenging situations, I have a totally different attitude. I don’t wallow in the fact that something didn’t go my way or that something ended. I take my time to feel what I need to feel about the situation, then ask myself, “what did you learn, and what are you going to do about it?”

Every situation, every choice, and everything you did or didn’t do and did or didn’t receive has afforded you some knowledge. The next time you experience a tough situation (or even a good one), instead of frantically stressing over the results, ask yourself, “what did I learn from this, and what am I going to do with the lesson?”

Remember, life is the most impactful classroom we will ever step in.

“You live, you learn.”

— Alanis Morissette

Thank you Sisters in Power for inviting me to be on the panel! I was so honored to share the stage with some extremely astute, talented, and fun individuals - including one of my favorite rappers - Mia X!!

Left to right: Dee Rouzan, Denisa, Me, Mia X, Reg Rob, Dr. Bristol, Cierra Johnson

Check out some highlights from the panel here! And don’t forget to follow me on Instagram to check out my style choices and day to day situations!! Til next time!

Peace and Blessings,

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: Shaggy Cardigan (sold out, similar here) // Vintage Jeans // Yellow Pumps

No Expectations Part 2

I got a few emails and messages regarding my Living Without Expectations post. It seems a few of my readers didn’t understand how one could not live without placing expectations on people and situations. Some thought it was absurd, others wrote that it was impossible. I get it. I once thought like that as well until I was blessed with insight. So for the sake of doing a good deed and paying the blessings I received forward, I’m going to try and explain this “no expectations” thing in another way for the folks that were looking at my post sideways.

For the women who messaged me and said they will never put up with their husband/boyfriend not coming home….#1. That was an example my friend gave me regarding his lack of expectations, and #2. Guess what? You don’t have to put up with any behavior that doesn’t sit well with you! Having no expectations doesn’t mean you have to take whatever. It simply means you will allow life to happen, and you will allow people to live in their truths. And if a situation or a person’s truth doesn’t align with your spirit…then you adjust accordingly. For example…say you go to a new restaurant and choose to try a new dish. You order this new dish, and you have no idea what it will taste like. You don’t expect it to be good nor do you expect the opposite. You just wait to see what will happen when you take that first bite. After a glass of wine, a half-eaten appetizer, and a convo with your friend about what you saw on social media, your dish is finally delivered to your table. You throw your napkin over your lap in anticipation of this new taste, and as soon as you take your first bite, you discover it tastes like dirt. So because you didn’t have any expectations on this dish, should you sit there and continue to eat it? NO! You can politely send the dish back where it came from. It’s the same with people. When you meet a person and get to know them without placing expectations on them - you give them the opportunity to reveal their true selves. And if their true self doesn’t align with your spirit….you don’t have to deal with them. You can politely send them back where they came from.

Now someone else hit me up about not having expectations when it comes to your goals. I’ll put it like this….I have a few goals that I aim to achieve. I have a plan to help me conquer these goals. However, I AM NOT MARRIED TO THE GOALS OR THE PLANS I HAVE. Look at it from this viewpoint…..say you have plans to go straight to the mall today once you’re done with your chores at home. On your way to the mall, a light comes on in your car indicating a low tire. So you pull over to put air in it. And while you’re doing that, your relative calls and asks you to stop by the grocery store for them. You agree. You then get in the car to head towards the mall and forget you left your wallet at home. You turn around to go back to get it and end up getting stuck in traffic. You eventually get your wallet, go to the store for your relative, and while at the store for your relative, you see another store that has what you were going to the mall to get and then some. Yes you ended up getting what you needed, but the journey didn’t look exactly how you EXPECTED it to look.

In the past I’ve mapped out several goals in my life, and my trajectory to each of those goals looked NOTHING like I thought it would. I’ve also set out to achieve a goal and while pursuing that goal, I discovered another goal that was more suitable which prompted me to drop the initial goal. Do you know how many people are depressed or have given up in life because their situation didn’t turn out how they EXPECTED it to or how they planned? Living without expectations allows you to be open to whatever comes your way….and when a situation doesn’t unfold in your favor you can keep it moving because your faith lies not in the outcome, but in the process.

Having no expectations doesn’t mean you live wildly while letting everyone disrespect you. It simply means you are open, and you allow the people in your life to live in their truth, which ultimately leads to you living in yours.

Peace and Blessings,

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: Vintage Blazer // Vintage Houndstooth Skirt (passed down from Aunts)// Booties // Belt (old, H&M)

Photo Credit: Jenae Mariee

Just Be

A friend and I have been having several intense conversations on the art of just being.  Through our talks, we’ve come to the celebrated conclusion that we really don’t have to do too much….life will take care of itself. 

Now don’t get it twisted - this type of “just being” doesn’t mean to sit and do absolutely nothing.  The type of “just being” we were discussing means living in your truth, trusting that the space you’re in is where you are supposed to be at the moment, and believing that what is meant will be. 

Whether it’s relationships/friendships, careers, hustles, goals, etc. – all you have to do is control what you can control and let the rest unfold.  To support this “just being” theory, my friend and I thought back to the times when we had to force certain feelings, when we jumped the gun and took matters (that were clearly out of our control) into our own hands, how we pushed ourselves to grow weary of situations prematurely instead of waiting for our true feelings to surface which in turn aborted a valuable lesson that needed to be learn, and how we jumped through hundreds of hoops to make situations change instead of being still and waiting on the Divine to step in.  Reminiscing on all of those times helped us to come to the simple conclusion that “doing the most” breeds stress and goes against our faith.  But by “just being” - we are accepting what is and trusting the process that leads to what will be.

Just think back to the times in life when you kept going overboard for something or you made a move before it was your time, and the results weren’t favorable.  Also think back to a time when you took your hands off of a situation and trusted that it would be handled….and just like that – whatever you needed handled, got handled….and if it didn’t, it wasn’t what you needed anyway.   

I’m not sure about you all, but it seems the more I “just be” - the easier things flow.  I’ve learned over the years that I don’t have to get even with anyone, I don’t have to go overboard, I don’t have to show anyone who I am, nor do I have to prove my worth.  All I have to do is handle what I can handle, stay in tuned with my faith, and just be.  And my just being and playing my part allows the Universe/God to do what it does best - intervene…..and everything falls where it’s supposed to. 

Just being,

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: The Bedstuy Brim Hat // Black Crop Top (Old, H&M) // Black Jeans // Stan Smith Adidas

Something Always Shakes

I celebrated 37 years on the planet this past Monday. When I woke up that morning, I asked myself - “What significant lessons have you learned in 37 years?” Of course I came up with quite a few things like, 1. Follow my gut. 2. Consistency is the key. 3. Jeans without spandex or some type of stretch in them are useless. 4. Plastic shoes will deteriorate, but quality purses will last. 5. I should not consume Hennessy before 11 am (blame is on Mardi Gras). 6. Less is more. 7. Rest is spiritual. 8. Depleting yourself is not. 9. You find what you are looking for (good and bad). and 10. Something will always shake. I repeated the last one because that lesson stuck out to me the most….something will always shake.

I can’t tell you how many times over the last 37 years that I’ve been stressed or gone through hardships that I thought would never get better. And every single time I thought it was the end, something shook…for the good. Of course when I was going through it, it didn’t seem like it would ever end…but eventually it did. Then the next hardship would rear its ugly head, and I’ll go right back into my “this will never end tantrum”…but eventually that hardship went away too….and so did the next one, and the next one, and the one after that. It’s taken me 37 years (and will probably take some more) to realize that no matter what it is I am faced with - something will shake the situation, and it will change. It may not change during the time I’d like it to change, but it will turn around at the perfect time.

So for my 37th year on this planet, I’m vowing to exercise my faith muscle more, stress less, and remember that no matter how scary the situation looks….it will eventually pass because….something always shakes.

Peace and Blessings,

- The Birthday Girl

Oh and I forgot to tell you guys to check out this quick interview I did with Vintage Magazine….I think you all will enjoy it!

Thank you all for rocking with me!! xoxo

Picture Credit: Hidden Productions, LLC

I PACED Myself

Three years ago on this day, I sat down to write my first blog post for Style & Energy. I had no end goal in mind, nor did I have big plans for the blog. I just wanted to write, share my life experiences in hopes of motivating someone, and provide outfit inspiration. I put my all into this blog, and I did it without any finish line in mind. Three years later, and this blog has grown tremendously….actually more than I thought it would - and the biggest thing that has helped me along this journey is the simple fact that I PACED MYSELF.

When I used to run track for conditioning purposes only, I was always inclined to do the long distance run in a hurry. I wanted to get to the finish line as quick as possible. Every time I would take off sprinting so that I could get my laps over with and be ahead of everyone, my coach would holler at me from the field and say, “Pace yourself Saulsberry!” I didn’t get it. Until one day I found myself off to the side of the track, bent over with my hands on my knees…heaving and trying to catch any breathe I could find. When I finally got some energy to lift my head and see what was happening on the track, I saw my teammates jogging steadily like they didn’t have a care in the world. They ended up lapping me (the girl who was in such a hurry) several times. And as soon as I was able to get back on that track, you better believe I took my time and ran at my own pace. And not only did it help me with building stamina and conditioning for sports, it also helped me with building stamina and conditioning for life.

If this blog (and track practice) has taught me nothing else, it has definitely shown me the true essence of the verse, “The race is not given to the swift, but to the one who endureth till the end.” You are not in competition with anyone. THIS IS NOT A RACE! Your goals are your goals, no one else’s. Burning yourself out to achieve them will get you no where fast, but pacing yourself allows you to build the stamina you need to keep going through it all.

So let the other people jump out on the track and hit it fast…..just keep pacing yourself and see what happens. You’ll lap them soon enough.

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: Dress // Heels

Granting MYSELF Mercy

I’ve formed an interesting habit over my 36 years of living, and it just hit me in the face recently.  Someone said to me, “so and so was being mean the other day.” And my immediate, robotic response was, “maybe they just had a bad day and really didn’t know how to channel their anger.”  Those words came flying out of my mouth without me even thinking.  My friend responded, “You’re always taking up for everyone.” I fixed my mouth for a snappy comeback (I am my father’s child) but then something made me stop and think.  My friend was right.  I do tend to give ALMOST every person the benefit of the doubt and all the grace and mercy in the world.  That’s who I am for the most part.  But that is not what I want to change.  The part that made me stop dead in my tracks and go hmmmmmm was the fact that I give all of this grace and mercy to human beings I really don’t know half of the time.  But when it comes to me, I’m cut throat.  Where they do that at??

Self-love….I preach it all the time, but then turn around and scold myself for missing a comma or criticize myself for saying the wrong words to a person.  But if another person does it, I’m quick to forgive and extend any mercy I have.  But when I do it – I don’t let up on myself for anything.  THIS HAS GOT TO STOP! 

The one thing that burns me up is when people say, “Sam, I can’t believe you did that!”  I don’t get mad because of what they said; I get mad because I’m trying to hold myself to a standard they have created in THEIR heads.  To.HELL.WITH.THAT!  I am human.  I will not get everything right.  I will not always have the right words.  I will spell something wrong, miss a comma, mispronounce a word, forget something, miss a step, use curse words, etc.  And that is okay.  I was not put on this earth to reach perfection.  I was put here to live, make mistakes, learn from my mistakes, and help others when I can.  So I’m going to do myself a favor and gracefully step away from the perfectionism I’ve placed on myself.  If I can be merciful when others fall short, I can damn sure do the same for myself….besides, I love Sam way more than I do them – so why not take it easy on her?            

Evolving,

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: Black Crop Top (Old, American Apparel) // Vintage Mom Jeans // Red Mules (sold out similar here) // Vintage Leather Coat

Photo Credit: Hidden Productions

Show, Don't Tell

It seems like a lot of people are so loud these days…especially on social media. Everyone is telling you who they are, what they got going on, how hard they hustle, what they make, who wants them, what kind of perks they have, how super real they are, how they should not be disrespected, how they are a queen or king, etc. Don’t get me wrong, everyone should exude confidence and think highly of themselves. I’m all for self-love. However, as the New Orleans bred rapper Lil Wayne once put it, “What’s understood ain’t got to be explained.”

There is no need to state the obvious. If you are walking in your light, you don’t have to tell people that you are shinning. They will see it. You don’t have to verbally demand respect from anyone. Carry yourself in a manner that deserves respect. And if a person isn’t respecting you even when you carry yourself as such, simply remove yourself from the situation.

Going back and forth with anyone (whether it be a colleague, a stranger, a family member, or a mate) about who you are, how you will be treated, what moves you make, and what you represent is useless. As a matter of fact, it often exposes your insecurities and diminishes your character. Whenever I catch myself telling someone who I am and what I’m about, I ask myself - “What point am I trying to prove? And am I trying to prove this point to them or MYSELF?”

“The loudest one in the room is the weakest one in the room. ”

— Denzel Washington as Frank Lucas (American Gangster)

Think about it….does a true queen or king have to constantly reiterate that they are royalty? Nope, they just live in their nobility. Does the bible say that Jesus ever boasted or felt the need to continually tell people what He was capable of? Not that I read. He just did His thing and let His power speak for itself, and that’s the level I’m trying to get on.

Show them who you are, don’t tell them. Remember actions are way louder than words.

Peace and Blessings,

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: Fun fact: These leather pants came from my mother’s closet. She purchased them when she was 28 years old! The leather trench coat came from my aunt’s closet. Both of these items were bought before I was born. This is a lesson that buying quality clothing items is truly an investment. My sweatshirt came from H&M some time ago and boots from Zara.

Picture Credit: @d.braz_photography

On a Mind Diet

I was in a lounge area of an office waiting on some paperwork to be completed. In the waiting area, they had about three flat screen televisions mounted on different walls, and on each television set was some tragic news. On one television set a lady had been killed by her daughter, on another a veteran had been robbed, and on another one Trump was throwing a tantrum. Although I wanted to turn my head away from the television sets, I couldn’t. I was engrossed in the calamity, and slowly but surely worry started to creep into my soul. Then I reminded myself of some profound advice a dear friend shared with me years ago; “monitor what you monitor.” Pondering over his words, I declared right in that office that I was putting my mind on a diet.

Of course all negativity isn’t avoidable but if I can help it, I refuse to participate in anything that’s not going to inspire me, make me feel good, or make me laugh. My mind is the portal through which my dreams are born. Why would I cluster it up with anything that will stop that process? Just like I so carefully monitor what foods I put in my body, I need to do the same thing when it comes to my mind. I wouldn’t constantly feed my body junk food throughout the day because I know the results would not be in my favor. The same thing goes for the brain. Constantly feeding it figurative junk food will only put the mind in an unhealthy space.

Always remember that you are what you consume…..watch your mental weight.

Peace & Blessings,

- Samjah Iman

Picture Credit: @d.braz_photography

Outfit Details: Blazer // Distressed Crop Top // Red Vans

I Don’t Do New Year’s Resolutions, But If I Did…

Ya’ll can have all of that New Year new me rigmarole. And please keep your resolutions far away from me because they make me itch.  Resolutions actually restrict me. I’m constantly evolving, growing, and reinventing myself daily therefore I have nothing to resolve when December 31st comes around.  BUT….if for some strange reason I wanted to renege and join our conformed society in making resolutions, I would declare for 2019 that I will not be forcing anything.

If 2018 did nothing else, it showed me that what’s for me will come to me.  Last year I did some pushing, pulling, tugging, kicking, etc.….and when it was all said and done, I came out of some situations stressed and mentally tired.  Then towards the end of the year I began to really connect with my intuition, control only what I could control, and let go of situations that were out of my reach - and once I started those rituals, the most miraculous things began happening.  Circumstances became easier to deal with, my environment became more peaceful, and things began to fall into place. 

It reminded me of one of the times I tried to go swimming in an ocean.  There I was in my one-piece, high-cut bathing suit and aviator sunglasses, trying to look cute and stay above the waves all at the same time.  I fought those waves like nobody’s business and came out with seaweed in my hair and missing sunglasses.  After being nearly taken under by a wave, I took a break to go sit in the sand and gather myself.  Those waves had gotten the best of me, but I was not giving up.  After all, I had some expensive sunglasses I needed to locate.  When I got back into the water and the first wave came rolling my way, I immediately braced myself for war.  But then something told me just to let go and swim with the current…and that’s what I did.  And from then on, I flowed.  Wherever the water took me, I went…and it was beautiful and way less stressful.  Did I ever find my glasses?  Nope. But what I did find was peace with the current – and that in itself was worth those sunglasses.     

In 2019, I’m flowing - not forcing.  I’m making peace with the current (i.e. life) and letting it take me wherever it wants to take me…..and my only obligation will be to make sure I enjoy the ride.

Happy New Year loves!   

- Samjah Iman

Photo Credit: Courtney Pittman of courtneypittman.com

 Outfit Details: Gold Neck Plunging Dress (Boohoo.com - sold out) // Ankle Strap Shoes

Taking A Second to Reconnect

Think about how you feel when you haven’t been treating your body like you know you should. For instance…if you haven’t been eating right, exercising, or getting enough rest - you feel sluggish or drained…..maybe even stressed, right? That’s how I’ve been feeling lately. However, it has nothing to do with my body but everything to do with my energy.

For the past five years it feels like I’ve been driving my car nonstop, at a high speed with my hands swaying wildly in the air. Since 2013, I’ve been taking pictures each week, faithfully. Since 2016, I’ve been writing every week (multiple times a week) for different publications. I’ve been running from event to event, jumping through hoops to make hustles happen, and saying yes to everyone more than I’ve been saying it to myself. My fuel meter keeps blinking, indicating that it’s time to parallel park this thing and chill - or risk running out of gas. So before my energy completely plummets, I’m going to make sure I take a minute to breathe and fill my cup back up.

In order to keep my style and energy ever-blooming, I must take a step back so that I can reconnect with myself. I’m going to take these next two weeks to sit in silence, be vigilant, do some deep breathing, reflect, laugh, be lazy, read, write, meditate, plan, create, enjoy loved ones, and simplify some things in my world.

“As an artist, your physical self is as much part of your business as the actual art. Treat yourself as such. ”

— @bzthevoice

Carving out time to center yourself and simplify your surroundings helps you to reconnect with your purpose and quiet your mind so that you can clearly hear from the Divine. If we keep going and going and going without taking moments to come back to the middle (our core/center), we tend to lose sight of our why and miss vital, spiritual signs that are placed all throughout our individual worlds in order to aid us on our journey.

If you’ve been all over the place this year or for the last few years, I advise you to take a moment to just do you as well. When you treat yourself right, the world benefits.

Have the most wonderful Holiday EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peace and Love!

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: Ruffle Sleeve Top (Forever 21 in-store) // Skirt (old) // Floral Booties // Chanel Brooch

I Know Me

Lately, my main focus has been self-awareness. I’ve been totally engrossed in not only studying my many emotions, insecurities, securities, moods, desires, hangups, etc. - but most importantly, healing the things that are off balance within myself. And what I’m discovering in this process is that when a person knows themselves and accepts who they are, absolutely no one can disturb their peace.

There was a time in my life when I used to blame everything outside of myself for my reactions and emotions, when the truth was my reactions had nothing to do with the outside world but everything to do with what was going on inside of me.

There’s this girl who imitated almost everything I did, and it drove me nuts!! I was extremely flattered that she admired me, but it got pretty annoying at times. At first I would blame her insecurity for her actions and act as if my reaction to her actions were normal. Then when I got on this self-awareness journey, I was forced to turn the mirror on me and ask myself why her actions would make me so upset. Yes it’s annoying when people infringe upon my entire swag, but it shouldn’t evoke anger within me. So I began to pay attention to what I felt when she would copy me, and eventually I came up with the answer. I discovered that the irritation I experienced had nothing to do with her actions, but everything to do with what I felt about myself. Her copying me did not upset me because she was insecure, it bothered me because it triggered an insecurity that was swimming deep down inside of me. I felt I wasn’t great enough or worthy of that type of admiration. So whenever she copied me, I was actually getting frustrated with my insecurity - not hers.

By simply knowing myself, I’ve been set free from so many opinions, and I am very seldom bothered by the actions of others. There was a time when I used to ask myself what I did to make a person react how they reacted, now I’m learning that most people’s actions have nothing to do with me - but everything to do with what’s going on inside of them.

Know yourself, and then act accordingly.

“An unhealed person can find offense in pretty much anything someone does. A healed person understands that the actions of others have nothing to do with them. ”

— Unknown

Peace and Blessings

- Samjah Iman

Living Without Expectations

Years ago, I was having an in-depth conversation with a friend about relationships and expectations. During the conversation, he revealed to me that he doesn’t expect anything from anyone. He also went on to say that he doesn’t even expect his wife to come home every night. He said that his wife has a choice on whether or not she wants to return home that day and vice versa. They come home to each other not because they are expected to, but because they want to. Expectations do not govern their relationship…..love does. At the time of this conversation I was in my late 20’s. And by that time in my life I had been repeatedly let down by unmet expectations I placed on people. However, I still couldn’t digest what he was saying or the concept of living without expectations. But as life kept happening and I kept maturing, I totally got it.

People will fall short and things are always changing. Parents will forget, children will fail, wives will mess up, boyfriends will leave, friends won’t always answer the phone, etc. I’ve been in numerous situations where I’ve said, “I can’t believe he or she did that!” And now I think back to those times and wonder why I couldn’t believe it….he or she were human, and they did what we humans do - be imperfect.

I’ve come to realize that living without placing expectations on people is a more peaceful and less stressful way for me to go about life. And besides, placing expectations on people doesn’t give them the chance to reveal who they really are. I’d rather people exercise their free will and operate in their full truth instead of them faking the funk by trying to live up to the expectations I placed on them.

Take some of that unnecessary stress off your shoulders, let those expectations go.

Peace and Blessings,

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: Vintage Lillie Rubin Jacket // Fringe Sandals

The Answers Are in Your Gut

You know that feeling you get in your stomach when you’re in a situation that you know you shouldn’t be in or should be in? I’m not talking about stomach cramps or butterflies. I’m talking about that deep tugging you feel in your gut that causes you to pause and wonder if what you’re feeling on the inside is showing on the outside…..yea that feeling. There are numerous times in my life when I’ve experienced that feeling and ignored it - and of course, I ended up saying, “I should have gone with my gut!” Learning from those moments, I made a vow to never ignore my gut again, and let me tell you all - so far that vow has saved me from a lot of hardships.

Quick Story - a few months ago, I was in the process of trying to become a homeowner. After what seemed like 1,000 searches, I found a nice home that was in my price range….but something wouldn’t allow me to fall in love with it. Instead of listening to that feeling (my intuition), I got advice from several people regarding the home buying process. I asked them if it was normal for me to second guess a home that I was about to purchase. Some brushed my feelings off as jitters since I was about to make one of the biggest investments of my life. Others told me to get the house because it was reasonably priced and nice, and it would eventually grow on me. I went over everyone’s advice in my head, but I still didn’t have the peace I needed to feel totally good about the process. Something was nagging at me internally. I ignored the feeling and concentrated on the fact that I really wanted to become a homeowner so I went forward with the process. I signed a contract, got an inspection done, and was on my way to close the deal. I figured my excitement would grow as the closing date approached - it never did. Actually, the internal nagging grew louder - so loud that my sleep began to be disturbed. I called my mother to explain the feeling I had and her advice was, “listen to that voice inside.” That was all I needed to hear. The next day, I called the entire process off. I lost some money from the inspection and a few other things, but that didn’t bother me one bit. Having peace meant way more to me than losing money.

Words can’t express how grateful and proud of myself I am for paying attention to that persistent feeling inside of me. I’m currently still renting, and I’m totally fine with that because I sleep like a baby at night knowing I made the right decision. A friend once said to me that building equity in your peace is way more important than building equity in a house. Boy was he right.

When something doesn’t feel right in your soul, it usually isn’t right - and vice versa. Trust your gut feeling, it’s there for a reason.

“If prayer is you talking to God, then intuition is God talking to you. ”

— Wayne Dyer

Outfit Details: Top // Leggings // Boots

I'm Thankful For Unanswered Prayers

True to the holiday spirit, I am currently zeroing in on all the things I am grateful for. After pondering over my many blessings I can honestly say that during this season of my life, one of the biggest blessings I am truly thankful for are all the things I didn’t receive. I have (by the grace of God) dodged SEVERAL bullets thanks to unanswered prayers.

Let me tell ya’ll….there are so many things I thought I wanted in the past that I am so glad I didn’t get. But at that time, all I could see was what I wanted. I didn’t care about the consequences that came with the things I wanted, or if I was mentally prepared for those consequences, or what type of lifestyle the things I wanted would have yielded. All I knew in the moment was that I wanted what I asked for, and today I can thankfully say that I’m so glad God is much more aware than I am - and that He gives according to my needs and what I’m ready for.

Every blessing we want comes with a price tag. Sometimes the blessing is affordable, and sometimes we are in over our heads. When I think back on some of the stuff I prayed for, I now realize that those situations may have been too costly therefore causing me to stress or lose sight of my purpose. At the time when we are asking for blessings and don’t receive them, we automatically become angry or discouraged. We may even lose a little faith. But what I am continuously learning everyday of my life is EVERYTHING that I either lost or didn’t receive was for my good. Some unanswered prayers taught me a lesson I needed to learn, some made me a stronger person for the trials I would later face, some made me a better friend, and some made me more appreciative.

Every unanswered prayer can’t be explained, but trust there’s a reason for it. So while you’re reflecting on your blessings this Thanksgiving Holiday, remember to think about the blessings you thought you wanted but didn’t receive.

Blessings don’t always come in the form of yes, they come through disappointments too.

Thankful for the no’s……

- Samjah Iman

It's About the Commitment

I can’t tell you the exact formula to losing 10 pounds in three weeks, or to being successful, or the quickest way to get rich, or how to get discovered on any social media platform. But what I can tell you is if you make a commitment and stick to it - in most cases you will get to where you are trying to go.

Years ago when I transferred from Southern University to Grambling State University (shut up Southern fans), my mother was skeptical. Sitting on my tiny cot (some may call it a bed) in my dorm room, I broke the news to Big P (my mother) over the phone that I was leaving SU for GSU. There was a pregnant pause…then with exasperation in her voice Big P said, “Sam if you transfer you will probably lose some credits and won’t graduate on time.” For those of you who don’t know really know me….here’s a short synopsis. I’m the girl you should not tell what probably won’t happen when she wants to do something because that does nothing but fuel my fire. In response to my mother’s statement I simply said, “Yes I will.” Did I know I would graduate on time when I responded to my mother’s statement? Nope. All I knew at that very moment was that I committed myself to the process of graduating on time - and only the things out of my control would prevent me from carrying out that commitment.

Three years later after leaving SU, I not only graduated on time - I graduated earlier than I was predicted to. And since then, I’ve applied that same commitment method to my other endeavors. Of course everything hasn’t workout exactly how I wanted it to, but it has worked out nonetheless.

Make a commitment, stick to it, and watch the results unfold.

Committed,

- Samjah Iman

P.S. - I am now offering blog consulting, blog auditing, and writing services! If your brand is in need of a blog, a writer, or if your blog needs a pick-me-up - head over to my services page and let’s get the ball rolling!!

Outfit Details: Snakeskin Flats // Printed Blouse

Voting in Vintage

I would be remiss if I didn’t do my part to stress the importance of voting tomorrow and show off this vintage blazer I got for $24! LOL!

Anyway, If you’re following this blog then I already know you are extremely conscious and have all the sense in the world (smile); therefore, voting in the one of the most crucial elections is on your agenda tomorrow. But just in case you’re tripping and thinking about not voting tomorrow, below are five quick reasons that will hopefully get your mind right.

1. Your life and your family’s lives depend on it. Too much craziness is happening in this world for you not to use your powerful voice.

2. Trump

3. Your ancestors went through hell for you to have the right to vote, honor them by using it.

4. Trump

5. Voting allows you to decide what will happen with your life regarding laws, healthcare, equal opportunities, etc. Not voting puts the decision in the people’s hands who could care less about our lives.

If these 5 reasons don’t move you to vote, I have a few more that I wrote about here. Check it out.

Also, you can grab a blazer like this vintage one here. And my boots are Steve Madden.

Happy voting loves!

I Finally Let My Hair Down

“Oh she’s a cute little girl…and look at all that hair!” This is a statement I heard throughout my childhood.  Whenever my mother decided to let my big hair hang out (which wasn’t often), old and even young people would flock around me, admiring my mane as if I was the second coming.  After many years of enduring this reaction from others, I came to the conclusion that the world equated long hair with beauty.  I knew at a young age I wanted no parts of this warped way of thinking.  And as soon as I was old enough to whack all of my hair off, I was going for it…..or so I thought.  Little did I know (and I would find out years later), the twisted beliefs regarding hair and beauty from others had seeped into my psyche, and I too had been socialized into thinking that having long hair was one of my most cherished attributes.

Of course as a teenager I wanted to try new hairstyles, and I did.  But no matter what hairstyle I tried, if it involved cutting, I made sure I kept my hair at least at the end of my neck or shoulder length.  I figured if I kept enough hair to make a ponytail, then I would still be considered “beautiful” in the socialized people’s eyes.  I kept this shoulder length hair antic up all the way into my late 20s.  I always wanted to go shorter than the nape of my neck, but never got the guts to do it.  Living vicariously through singer and songwriter Kelis, I would often search pics of her and admire the funky and fun hairdos she sported. Then I got the courage one day to cut my hair kinda past my neck. 

After getting this short bob, I went to my now old job the next day just as happy as can be with my new look.  I strutted into the building throwing my short locks from side to side.  Soon after I settled in my office and prepared to waste billable hours by searching the web, a lady busted through my slightly opened door with a stern look on her face.  My heart dropped because I just knew someone had discovered my internet shopping history on the company’s computer, and I was about to be called out for it.  But no, her face was contorted because of my new haircut!! Do you know this lady sat beside my desk and proceeded to quote some bible verses to me about why I shouldn’t have cut MY hair??????!!! I was outdone!!

The sweet lady with the bible incident was just one of many depth-less reactions to my haircuts over the course of my adult life.  I’ve had an intellectually challenged EX-boyfriend (emphasis on ex thank God) request that I wear my hair down when we went around his friends so that he could show off my length.  I’ve had people actually get angry at me for cutting a few inches off MY hair.  I’ve had people suggest therapeutic interventions when I shaved off the side and back of MY hair (even though MY hair was still long enough to cover up both shaved parts). 

As you have probably gathered from reading, I have been traumatized by other people’s hair expectations.  I’ve had to encounter too much bull when it came to MY hair which in turn made me a little self-conscious whenever I wanted to try a new style.  But guess who’s finally shaking that paralyzing mentality and evolving into an “I don’t give a damn” kind of woman while swaying freely to I Am Not My Hair by India Arie?  You’ve guessed right….me!       

So I finally let my hair down.  I got my hair cut the shortest it’s ever been, and I couldn’t feel more liberated.  My liberation does not come from barely having any hair (although this is super fun I must admit), it comes from being free of anyone’s opinions or projections. I’m finally learning that it’s okay to live my life according to my own standards and not society’s.  This new independent way of living has lifted so many weights off my shoulder. 

I’d like to thank my girl Ashlee Rene for this bomb cut! And to my loved ones who encouraged me to jump out there and try something new……bless you all. 

Beauty and hair are not synonymous.  Beauty and freedom are.    

“Free your mind and your ass will follow”

— Funkadelic 

- Samjah Iman

Don't Forget About Your Past Blessings

The other day I was agonizing over a few things I’ve been manifesting that have yet to materialize.  I felt myself growing frustrated and impatient.  I tried to shake the feeling, but it wasn’t going away easily.  I even began to think about my plant post from last week for some encouragement. That didn’t help much this time either.  I decided to say a silent prayer then let my worries go. 

Not too long after doing that, I drove into a parking garage where I was forced to park on the rooftop.  I got out the car, and the New Orleans’ skyline hit me dead in my face.  I stood there for a second in awe.  Not because of the beauty it presented, but because that skyline reminded me of the time in my life when I was praying to live in this place and do exactly what I am doing for a living, and now it’s happening. 

After receiving that subtle yet powerful reminder, I quickly got my attitude all the way together.  I begin to think about all of the other stuff I had prayed for and gotten.  I instantly became encouraged.

Oftentimes when we are in need of something, we tend to get impatient and forget that we were once praying for some of the things we have right now. And if God came through then, He’ll definitely do it again in due time. So the next time you find yourself tripping on what you’re lacking, just take a second and remember the blessings you were once wanting and now have. I guarantee you’ll feel a glimpse of hope about what lies ahead.

Peace and Blessings,

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: Felt Hat (sold out, similar here) // High-Waist Skinny Jeans // Crop Top // White Slides // Oversize Blue Jean Dress worn as shirt (sold out, similar here)     

Nurture Your Blessings, Starve Your Problems

When I received my first house plant, I really didn’t pay too much attention to it because at the time, plants weren’t my thing. I just sat it on my coffee table and watered it every now and then. Even though I neglected the plant, it still grew - just not as fast as it would have had it been nurtured properly.

On the flip side, there are these pesky weed looking plants (or whatever they are) growing in my backyard. I used to pay attention to them daily because I DIDN’T LIKE THEM! I would open my back door often to gaze at them with disgust in hopes that they will just disappear. They didn’t…they actually seemed to have grown bigger at times.

I grew tired of staring at those weed looking plants. But since getting rid of the plants was out of my control (too many bugs back there plus I’m currently renting), I decided not to give them my attention anymore. I began concentrating on my house plant. I talked to it, positioned it to receive sunlight, and watered it on a weekly basis. And sure enough it began to really sprout. The more I nurtured that plant, the more it grew. And as for the weed looking plants, they are still back there. They just don’t bother me as much anymore because I stop giving them life.

Ladies and gents, the method I applied to my house plant and those weed looking plants can be applied to our real life blessings and problems. What we nurture grows and what we starve doesn’t.

It’s a known fact that whatever we give your attention to expands. If we are constantly concentrating on the negative things going on in our lives, that will become our focal point and that is what we will continue to attract. But if we concentrate on the positive things we have going on, then that becomes our main priority and in turn our spirits will be lifted. We will then create a habit of looking for the blessing in all situations which will eventually lead to attracting more blessings.

Let’s work on watering our blessings and starving our problems. The issues probably won’t go away completely, but at least the beauty of the blessings will overpower them.

Watering my blessings,

- Samjah Iman

Outfit Details: Boots // Top // Jeans // Sweater