I’ve formed an interesting habit over my 36 years of living, and it just hit me in the face recently. Someone said to me, “so and so was being mean the other day.” And my immediate, robotic response was, “maybe they just had a bad day and really didn’t know how to channel their anger.” Those words came flying out of my mouth without me even thinking. My friend responded, “You’re always taking up for everyone.” I fixed my mouth for a snappy comeback (I am my father’s child) but then something made me stop and think. My friend was right. I do tend to give ALMOST every person the benefit of the doubt and all the grace and mercy in the world. That’s who I am for the most part. But that is not what I want to change. The part that made me stop dead in my tracks and go hmmmmmm was the fact that I give all of this grace and mercy to human beings I really don’t know half of the time. But when it comes to me, I’m cut throat. Where they do that at??
Self-love….I preach it all the time, but then turn around and scold myself for missing a comma or criticize myself for saying the wrong words to a person. But if another person does it, I’m quick to forgive and extend any mercy I have. But when I do it – I don’t let up on myself for anything. THIS HAS GOT TO STOP!
The one thing that burns me up is when people say, “Sam, I can’t believe you did that!” I don’t get mad because of what they said; I get mad because I’m trying to hold myself to a standard they have created in THEIR heads. To.HELL.WITH.THAT! I am human. I will not get everything right. I will not always have the right words. I will spell something wrong, miss a comma, mispronounce a word, forget something, miss a step, use curse words, etc. And that is okay. I was not put on this earth to reach perfection. I was put here to live, make mistakes, learn from my mistakes, and help others when I can. So I’m going to do myself a favor and gracefully step away from the perfectionism I’ve placed on myself. If I can be merciful when others fall short, I can damn sure do the same for myself….besides, I love Sam way more than I do them – so why not take it easy on her?